This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Goodbye Baby

Author: Dawnyd
Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 149 /80 /32
Words: 199
Class/Type: Poetry /The pain inside
Total Views: 1227
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1129


Thoughts on a one sided relationship. Could be a poem, could be a lyric..Tell me what you think.

Goodbye Baby

Sadness is all around
Love for me is no where to be found
My love for you keeps my hands tightly bound
Thoughts in my head are so far from sound
I wish you felt the same as I do
Then I know I wouldn't be so blue
I wish in your heart there was love for me
But there is none that is very clear to see
I don't know why I love you like I do
I'm so damn tired of sitting here waiting for you
It's time I move on now I have had enough
I'm sure you are thinking that this is only a bluff
Well you can come by and then you will see
You will see as you drop off my key
That there is no more love left for you inside of me
Goodbye you will never see me cry
You have hurt me and I don't know why
So goodbye baby goodbye
Inside I feel so dead
No other words can be said
But Goodbye baby goodbye
I can't do this anymore
I'm tired of a realationship that's nothing but a chore
I can't give you anymore
So goodbye baby goodbye

Submitted on 2006-05-02 14:16:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  couplets always take away from poetry for me
the simplicity is almost unbearable.
but overall i wouldn't say its half-bad.
i'm not sure if you meant to misspell 'relationship' or not.
and try to steer away from phrases like "i feel so"
spoon feeding emotions is not what poetry is about
poetry is about inferring what the writer was feeling when they wrote it at the time.

| Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by jeffiner | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?