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    dots Submission Name: You Dont Knowdots

    Author: Silenced poet
    ASL Info:    21/male/oregon
    Elite Ratio:    2.54 - 52/41/21
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1165
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 807

       A poem i came up with while washing dishes at work.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou Dont Knowdots

    You dont know pain,
    like i know pain.
    You dont know insane,
    like i'm insane.
    You don't know death,
    on an angels breath.
    Or a gun to your head,
    just to pass a test.
    But i do,
    i live with this shit.
    Each and every day,
    like the taste of ones spit.
    You dont know me,
    and you never will.
    You dont know why,
    i'm unable to feel.
    you dont know lies,
    hidden behind these eyes.
    or the sound of a loved one,
    whispering stunted cries.
    But i do,
    it's part of my life.
    So at the sound of your sarrow,
    I wont look surprised.
    You dont know,
    why i write these words.
    and you never will,
    so le the page be turned.

    Submitted on 2006-05-02 15:51:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hm, I liked the overall idea to that piece but I do believe it can be improved. You made a few spelling errors such as 'sarrow' and the punctuation could been improved. I liked the ending though, it made the peice worthwhile.
    | Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by Rask | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the overall layout of this poem, you should try to start writing the word I out of your peices in the future, as it lets the reader get into among other things
    | Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this write, it's good. I agree, some of the two-word lines sort of threw off the flow a little, but other than that, it's pretty good. Strong words =]
    | Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by Yclipse | [ Reply to This ]
      This sounded a little more like a song rather than a poem but it flowed nice. Some of the rymes seemed a little forced which I hate to say because it has been said to me but it comes with territory of the reader not really understanding how your words are supposed to be interpreted. I think if you took a little more time to reread and see if you can make any changes it can be a lot stronger of a poem. But just remember that everyone has problems in the world its the way you overcome them that define you... Good write Anthony...
    | Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by Kersofmia | [ Reply to This ]

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