Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Spirit Wardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyMim
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 223/303/117
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1106
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1326



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSpirit Wardots
    -------------------------------------------


    Nation against nation,
    there's no control.
    So many wars,
    that take their toll.

    Big mouths talk
    and plan their schemes,
    while humble ones
    hold tight their dreams.

    Religions divide,
    from deep within.
    People are starving,
    because of their skin?

    Pestilence, earthquakes,
    floods and greed.
    The ignorant prosper,
    while poor ones need.

    Filthy water,
    soil and air...
    Oh Dear God!
    It's everywhere!

    (Spiritual warfare
    has begun,
    no more laughing,
    no more fun...

    The earth is cracked!
    And so am I...
    isn't it time for
    Death to die?)

    Then the White Rider
    who sheds His light,
    will gather His Sheep
    and none will fight.

    Masks will fall
    and skins will blend.
    Food for all!
    We're on the mend!

    Wounded earth
    will finally heal,
    our starving ones
    will have a meal!

    God's great War
    is finally done,
    let's all laugh
    and have some fun!

    Beauty unfolds
    before our eyes,
    as Earth transforms
    to Paradise!




    Submitted on 2006-05-02 22:48:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i love this peace, it show wisdom and hope but is not afraid to look at the real world around us. what are we really dealing with i guess is what we all really want to ask and in a very good way you have given us the answer.
    awsome write.
    Love and light
    Archer
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by Archer | [ Reply to This ]
      This simple little piece is what man people want to happen. I only queation the last stazas. Is this a hope for an end of days or just an end of war? With so many people, especially Christains, thinking we are at end times, in the back of thier minds your poem resounds over and over I'm sure. I've studied so much on the conflicts, burdens, and cruelty that this Holy War has created... I too long for what you seek. I'm not sure what the road is.. but in the words of Bono, "Father Abraham, where are you now?" Good read, great expression! Cheers and peace to you!
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by Isaac | [ Reply to This ]
      i really REALLY love this piece. it's very well written, good rythm flow all that jazz. more than anything i've been on this subject for a while myself. so it's nice to see some creative spiritual pieces.

    one thing kinda threw me off, and if it hadn't then this would be a definent fav.

    Then the White Rider
    who sheds His light,
    will gather His Sheep
    and none will fight.

    ok the way i interpret this, it's like armegeddon. final judgment, w/e you like to call it

    the white rider= jesus god etc.

    his sheep=people who follow

    none will fight?

    it just doesn't fit the scheme for me, and i don't know if it was worded that way for the ryme. or if i'm misenterpreting, or overinterpreting. but idk, if you can clarify let me know and this will defianately be on my list.

    excellent write
    later
    skilless
    | Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      As for the poem, I thought it flowed and had a nice simple rhyme scheme that made it an easy read.

    I think that easy flow also extends to the questions and conclusions posed. Whilst valid and important points, I can’t help but get a sense of idealism, which I suppose, is what was meant.

    Objectively speaking, I believe, that war will always exist. Maybe not in the definition of the word but as humans we are at war with rivalry between each other for self gain. In previous centuries it has been physical fighting but as that becomes increasingly dangerous and inefficient. I think it is fair to say the level of violence across the world is on a down turn. Even if you compare an ‘idiot’ like Bush to Alexander the Great or civilizations such as the Romans to the present day Western civilization.

    I think in the modern world, war is raged with economics. Such as, in the fields of world debt, emerging markets and the big fat cats in the G8. Instead of a fight for land and power, it now seems to be a fight for market share and the balance of supporting developing countries whilst protecting your own interests.

    I suppose you can complicate the argument by raising the issue of religious conflicts. But to my mind they are relicts of past ages that will inevitably burn out, you only have to look at the effects of strong economic growth and the subsequent loss of traditional values in the younger (more prosperous) generation, in such countries as china and India. Ok their economies aren’t that strong, but there is sufficient progress to change ambitions and thus attitudes and values.

    As you may guess I am atheist and I don’t mean to upset. However, I do believe there is a spiritual side to people as well as a physical and whilst in your poem the ‘White rider’ describes Christ. For me it raises moral arguments within individuals. Our spiritual, mindful side guiding us to do good and what is right even if it does (god forbid) cost us a short term gain.

    I like to think that we can move on through this century leaving negative discriminations such as religious, racial and other wise behind us. Not only are most of these in my point of view entirely unfounded, but also so far as religion is concerned, not even a truth in the first place. Rather a means of explaining the truth and a policy to guide us in doing the right thing.

    What ever happens I suppose we can be sure of one thing, people will always, overall do what is best for themselves but it is also true that people generally want to live an easy and peaceful existence and under the right circumstances when they are comfortable and secure help others if they can. These common traits in everyone will surely ensure the human races progress and at the same time help keep a rough status quo.

    Until the ‘Sheep’ let another Hitler brain wash them, ironically and sadly another thing we can be sure of.

    Kind (peaceful) wishes,

    Paul
    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by PaulHudson | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this piece.... It was very alluring the way you seem question the reason we human cannot find peace and are always getting entangled in war and similar conflicts. It's also quite scintillating how you refer to the people with big mouths implying that they have the power to start a confrontation whenever they like .... Likewise when you mention the skin factor ... that was quite captivating, to boot.

    In the same regard, I thought that the questions one stumbles across in the poem make one allegedly realize how ironic the author is being which happened to be enjoyable a feature altogether.

    After moving onto the second part of this piece I lit upon the "white rider" ... I could say that here you are or may be slightly referring to God.... thus in this part of the poem you talk about death and what happens after it. However, I must admit that this bit left me puzzled coz -on my point of view - you could also be making allusion to a certain leader of a given country who all of a sudden decides to momentarily stop the conflict or to bring it to an end, as it were....
    dunno.....

    As for critiques ... I must say that your choice of wording regarding the second part - meaning from the White rider onwards - wasn't really appropriate ... there are some strains as for the way it reads which – I believe - stems from diction as I already pointed out. Needles to say, this kind of hinders the flow …..

    Well Kim ... dunno what else to add.... war is omnipresent …. .... I remember my former literature teacher when speaking about this issue ... he said that so long as we are humans war will be always present in a way ... I don’t' quite know how to say it but you get the idea I suppose .... It's like saying that war is in our bones.... or that we are intrinsically evil but I guess that I'm shifting away from the main issue..... and started rambling ….

    That's all I have to say.

    Take care,
    Smiles,
    Ethan.
    | Posted on 2006-05-08 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    101565

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Love written by saartha
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Cover written by saartha
    prison written by ShyOne
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry