Description: The title sort of reminds me of an atreyu song name. Again, I had to think harder about the title than about the poem itself and even then, it's still not so great. Mediocre, if that. The poem itself, again, is about supressed feelings in a way. Personal experiences, to an extent, or maybe more over expresses inward fears.
Hanging on to Your Every [False] Word -------------------------------------------
Hanging on to Your Every [False] Word
A frail young mind,
You've altered and molded
Leaving my suggestions behind.
Your overwhelming power
Can't be turned down;
I love your control over me,
Even if you're the one making me drown.
Through all the shame and deceit
I can't help but still hold your hand
Continuously driving me inward,
In fear I'll take a stand;
Even then, that wouldn't be enough
Maybe I could break down the walls,
But the bricks are too tough
If I tried,
My fingers would be bloodied and broken;
If I were to hold your hand,
Our fingers wouldn't be woven
Together
We stand our opposites reflect,
But fit perfectly
Just like a train wreck.
A crooked smile you bare,
The one I'll never forget
Even if you beat me a thousand times,
My life with you, I'd never regret.
Ten years into our future,
I'm heaving my last breath
I can't believe it's going to end so soon
Forever hasnt come yet
Or maybe it has;
Forever in your eyes
May be already ten years past
Your hand raises once more,
I see the twinkle your fingers are wrapped around
I smile a bloody smile for our time before;
I knew it'd end this way
But who can say for sure
All I'm certain is
Once that knife drives into my flesh
(Twenty three times and counting)
I'll still love you
You've always given me your best;
And I believe you because you said it.
You're right the stucture binds this too tight. the rhymes seems forced the train wreck cliché eventhe walls over done I'm afraid. I can't say for sure if we all have had those relationships but i know i have and my little sister just got out of one her started when she was your age and just ended two years later. Although he never beat her he was so controling and always in jail or reheab unemployed and spending her money. Mine was much worse than hers I'm still trying to put it behind me. This isn't all bad however "Together We stand our opposites reflect" I like. Hey it's nice see some evolution and these are the pieces that need to be wirtten even if we're not happy with them My untitled between the femine side aches is such a piece i'm still trying to decide if i should delete it. thanks again. peace
Submission Name: Hanging on to Your Every [False] Word
