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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Splinters of Glassdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 658
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 914



    Description:
       I was baking a cake this morning...and thinking about how I used to cook for Tony...and I stepped on the teensiest sliver of glass that was in the floor. I dropped a bowl and a glass the other day while doing dishes, and they shattered. I swept them up, but figured I didn't get everything...and I told myself, don't walk around without your shoes...and then I did. I bled one tiny drop of blood...and I just started thinking...about how something so small can make you bleed. And then I felt like writing this. Maybe it sucks...I really don't care.


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    dotsSplinters of Glassdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Memories of you linger on my floors
    Like tiny splinters of glass.
    Each so small that they're invisible to the eye
    But still sharp enough to make you bleed.

    I should have known better than to walk around without my shoes
    But it was just so hot
    So fucking hot
    That I dropped my defenses long enough to cut myself on you once more

    And now I'm bleeding again
    And it's just so hard to understand.
    If I had only taken a moment
    Just one small moment,
    And swept all those memories aside,
    I wouldn't be digging splinters out of my soul.

    Maybe now, I've learned my lesson
    Maybe I'll remember not to wander around so naked and defenseless
    But it was just so hot
    And we were just so hot
    And all that's left is the drop of blood in the floor.




    Submitted on 2006-05-03 12:12:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like how you personify the glass into the person in this poem i also like how real this poe is. and realtable but really metaphoric. its a very unique way of writing! its really good.
    i really like this line
    "I dropped my defenses long enough to cut myself on you once more"
    its really interesting and neat! you write really well! this is defititely a faves add!
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by emb_er77 | [ Reply to This ]
      

    I like it, comparing a person to a sharp glass that makes you bleed, that has originality

    And now I'm bleeding again
    And it's just so hard to understand.
    If I had only taken a moment
    Just one small moment,
    And swept all those memories aside,
    I wouldn't be digging splinters out of my soul

    It shows regret for giving your heart to someone which had painful consequences , Ive been in that situation , I can relate to this .
    the flow was little off in some places , but who cares , its an awesome poem , it makes you think .
    great job
    ~~drakoniss~~
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by drakoniss | [ Reply to This ]
      The metaphor in this is really awesome...and you follow through and are consistent with it through out the poem, it's hard for me to do that.

    Each so small that they're invisible to the eye
    But still sharp enough to make you bleed

    I love this...like, EVERYTHING he does affects you. No matter how small, it is still sharp enough to hurt you...make you think...affect you in some way. I love this line.

    THe part about being hot, usually this is an uncomfortable state but when I think of it in the relationship...you let yourself become naked and it resulted in a broken heart, so I would be interested to know how the hot part fits in symbolically with the metaphor, or if it is just a literal icscuse applied to the metaphor...to make it poetic. Hmmm. Get back to me on that.

    Much love
    Jazmine
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


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