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    dots Submission Name: Goodbye With Apple Treesdots

    Author: BrokenAngel
    ASL Info:    21/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 179/157/47
    Words: 206
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1137
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1424

       Whatever goes.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGoodbye With Apple Treesdots

    Seeming without a care
    She walks through the doors
    Leading toward the world outside,
    Looking around to see spring arise.
    Cutting out the harshness of winter
    She smiles and laughs
    Watching the antics her friends' play.
    But deep down inside,
    She only wants to cry.

    Oh sweet apple tree
    Rain your blossoms down on me
    Your pink petals, diluted blood
    Drowning me in ecstasy

    She watches her life through a mirror
    Trying to guess her next move.
    Reactions delayed, she plays them off
    As her failing to pay attention.
    In reality, her reactions are carefully planned
    So no one will notice when she doesn't react.
    With a sad smile that nobody catches,
    She slowly waves goodbye.
    Turning away, she leaves to hide.

    Lovely apple tree
    Rain your blossoms down on me
    The pink petals, diluted blood
    That drowned me in ecstasy

    Sitting alone in her dusky room
    She stares blankly at herself.
    A candle lit mirror reflecting a stranger,
    Someone she thought she knew.
    How sad to think that no one knows
    The pain she tries to hide
    that's so obvious in its absence.
    Lifting up the apple blossom drenched in red
    She burns away the life she's led.

    Submitted on 2006-05-03 17:18:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is the girl we know and love. Once again dark and sad. Everything you write seems to be so true to life. It always seems like nobody is watching and nothing we do matters. I'm listening to HIM right now, and this just reminds me of their style. It's about life and love. Not how the world wants to see it, but how it actually is. Maybe not this piece specifically, but certainly your work in general. I gave this a four, because it's much more than a meh, but nothing is quite wow for me. I enjoyed it very much, and it made me think more than I wanted to at the moment, but it was still missing something. I'm not quite sure what. Maybe the repeating of the four line stanza had me getting ready for something else. It was good, not a favorite of mine, but good nonetheless. Is that one word? I think so... anyhow...what I suggest is playing with your lines and using some unconventional structuring. I'm not sure that you can do it well in this piece, but keep that in mind mmmkay?

    Grow Strong,
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by Zabriel | [ Reply to This ]
      I very much liked the 2nd and 4th stanza; the way it had a touch of nature was creative. It's beautiful and kinda unique. Although it's a sad one, like the other poems, there's something, ya, peaceful about it. Keep writing. Take care.
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by raineces | [ Reply to This ]
      I gave this poem a vote of 4...
    I also agree with nique, this is a sad poem but it seems lately that most of the poems posted here at ES are either about being angry or depressed, as do mine.
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is very different and very much like the poems I've read. I love how you make the apple tree so peaceful and serene that was very original. But the second stanza gave it this sad girl sympathetic feel like a lot of depressed poets. It was a very nice poem though.

    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by nique | [ Reply to This ]

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