Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Serenity in Death


Author: Rask
ASL Info:    17/female/Canada...
Elite Ratio:    8 - 56 /34 /14
Words: 220
Class/Type: Lyrics /Love
Total Views: 1349
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 1534



Description:


I got the whole idea for the song from the second stanza... I'm also working on a piece of prose to go along with this; the same idea, in a sense. Well, not entirely, but when this song was first being written, I gave up and worked on the prose... Although, the song has a whole different meaning now though.


Serenity in Death



Serenity in Death

I take these shots,
One consecuatively after another
And when your delicate smile paints my sleep,
It's definitely like no other.

I'd risk everything for a dream that only you and I could see...

Chorus:

Seems to me
As if I've lost your way in life
Seems to me
Your fingers tremble beneath that knife

And maybe
Once the day is good and over
You can spare me a smile,
From over your shoulder


As the sun sets low,
And your sweet eyes trail off along that horizon
Your reflections scream out over the ocean;
Memories, off in the skies, run.

Your eyes flicker and shine,
From tears locked deep down inside
You wish they could just bleed free
But who is there to confide?
You think.
Pensive thoughts
But I'm never there
Not even behind one blink.

Chorus

It hit me by surprise
(But will it ever make me cry)
Again
(Lies)
But even in these times of melancholy
I still dare to say you are my definite
Although, you make think that's just another folly

I'd risk everything for a dream that only you and I could see...
That only you and I could see,
If you'd just look.




Submitted on 2006-05-03 20:37:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I admire already just the fact that you wrote lyrics. I have tried but never succeeded the way I wanted. I sometimes get stuck, and then I am not satisfied.. Writing lyrics iifficult if you ask me.
I liked this song, from the first line to the last, but this one is my favorite, and therefore I like the repitition;

I'd risk everything for a dream that only you and I could see...

And there was another part, here,

Your eyes flicker and shine,
From tears locked deep down inside
You wish they could just bleed free

It is beautiful.
I think these lines are very good, but the lines that follow, err.. you think.. pensive thoughts, and something with confide, that part is a little disappointing. I'm not saying it is bad, but it probably seems too simple compared with the great lines before.
On the whole, a very interesting and creative write.

Janneke
| Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this the only thing thats missing is to hear this being performed, that would simply make it so much better. It was a delightful write.
Keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.
| Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
  oh [censored] thats good

One consecuatively after another
And when your delicate smile paints my sleep,
It's definitely like no other. i read that and was like whoa and then i realized it was a song! i was like WHOA!! thats really cool i wish i could hear the music i mean ur a great poet but to make a song i wish i could do that but i have no musical talent what so ever....any ways if u ever get a record deal please try to remember to tell me

Trevor...~
| Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]
  this is good i lke it but in the choras you say "as if i've lost your way in life" that part confuses me a little bit.
| Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by gothfreak | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



101744