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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Serenity in Deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rask
    ASL Info:    17/female/Canada...
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 56/34/14
    Words: 220
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1198
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1534



    Description:
       I got the whole idea for the song from the second stanza... I'm also working on a piece of prose to go along with this; the same idea, in a sense. Well, not entirely, but when this song was first being written, I gave up and worked on the prose... Although, the song has a whole different meaning now though.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSerenity in Deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Serenity in Death

    I take these shots,
    One consecuatively after another
    And when your delicate smile paints my sleep,
    It's definitely like no other.

    I'd risk everything for a dream that only you and I could see...

    Chorus:

    Seems to me
    As if I've lost your way in life
    Seems to me
    Your fingers tremble beneath that knife

    And maybe
    Once the day is good and over
    You can spare me a smile,
    From over your shoulder


    As the sun sets low,
    And your sweet eyes trail off along that horizon
    Your reflections scream out over the ocean;
    Memories, off in the skies, run.

    Your eyes flicker and shine,
    From tears locked deep down inside
    You wish they could just bleed free
    But who is there to confide?
    You think.
    Pensive thoughts
    But I'm never there
    Not even behind one blink.

    Chorus

    It hit me by surprise
    (But will it ever make me cry)
    Again
    (Lies)
    But even in these times of melancholy
    I still dare to say you are my definite
    Although, you make think that's just another folly

    I'd risk everything for a dream that only you and I could see...
    That only you and I could see,
    If you'd just look.




    Submitted on 2006-05-03 20:37:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      I admire already just the fact that you wrote lyrics. I have tried but never succeeded the way I wanted. I sometimes get stuck, and then I am not satisfied.. Writing lyrics iifficult if you ask me.
    I liked this song, from the first line to the last, but this one is my favorite, and therefore I like the repitition;

    I'd risk everything for a dream that only you and I could see...

    And there was another part, here,

    Your eyes flicker and shine,
    From tears locked deep down inside
    You wish they could just bleed free

    It is beautiful.
    I think these lines are very good, but the lines that follow, err.. you think.. pensive thoughts, and something with confide, that part is a little disappointing. I'm not saying it is bad, but it probably seems too simple compared with the great lines before.
    On the whole, a very interesting and creative write.

    Janneke
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this the only thing thats missing is to hear this being performed, that would simply make it so much better. It was a delightful write.
    Keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      oh [censored] thats good

    One consecuatively after another
    And when your delicate smile paints my sleep,
    It's definitely like no other. i read that and was like whoa and then i realized it was a song! i was like WHOA!! thats really cool i wish i could hear the music i mean ur a great poet but to make a song i wish i could do that but i have no musical talent what so ever....any ways if u ever get a record deal please try to remember to tell me

    Trevor...~
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is good i lke it but in the choras you say "as if i've lost your way in life" that part confuses me a little bit.
    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by gothfreak | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    101744

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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