Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Forest Kingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mugsy
    ASL Info:    68/M/Sooke/ B.C./Can.
    Elite Ratio:    4.1 - 138/106/35
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 988
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 375



    Description:
       Hopefully a poem in it's infancy, striving to become coherent.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Forest Kingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The forest beckons me
    With it's intangible woody silence,
    To dark places I go
    Immersed in shadow
    and leafy fold
    Where sun trickles intermittently
    Through a canopy
    Bejeweled with morning dew,
    Dazzling arrays of dancing beams,
    Within secret halls
    I sit alone---regal
    A stump for a throne....




    Submitted on 2006-05-03 22:16:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      As a child of the forest, I fell in love with this poem. It reminds me of all the days spent in quiet solitude, reading a book under the leaves. I sat and read, breathing the free air of the forest. Love this piece.
    | Posted on 2011-01-21 00:00:00 | by ShadowsnLights | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is very coherent as it stands and it evokes the calm cathedral awe that such a special place inspires. In BC we are fortunate to have so many spots like you describe, so close at hand.
    My only wee suggestion is to editout some of the little superfluous filler words that aren't necessary--like "the, and , with--and most pronouns. In this poem, you might remove "it's " from L2, "the " in L3 ( or even replace the bland article with a descriptive such as "cool/fragrant/secret---"[anything that adds a touch more depth] Lines 6/7 could also drop the articles in favor of a descriptive, or another word--or even no word.

    I loved the ending too, probably because I relate so well to that "ahhhhhh, this is living feeling.

    I moved to the Cariboo last year, and now reside in a 150 year old log cabin on the Quesnel river. Though I spent the previous 10 years in the beautiful Kettle Valley, and the prevous 10 in the Slocan Valley, the call of the forest is always present, and each locale has its own inhabitants, flora and fauna. Here I saw daily the spawning salmon, and could count up to 20 eagles on the short walk to town. There are more moose here, and wild swans as well as the prettiest sunsets I have ever seen.

    Even when I grumble about shovelling snow again, or splitting wood when my shoulder doth protest,--I am thankful to be in the thickets rather than the thick it city life.

    Well Done
    Sally
    | Posted on 2006-12-06 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      I have always felt most at home in forests. I am originally from B.C., and I truly miss going for long walks through the forests and sitting on a thick carpet of needles to write a poem.
    I like the idea of a stump for a throne. You could build on this idea... for some reason I see a children's story of a young boy's imaginary world. Keep up the great work!
    | Posted on 2006-12-03 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved the imagery..Feels like its still got a continuation...Keep writing. Take care.^_^
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by raineces | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I think this is a very good peom; so vivid I could almost picture myself sitting in that forest. Good job!

    -p1
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    101756

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Cover written by saartha
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    Dream written by closetpoet
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry