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    dots Submission Name: Inspirationdots

    Author: Clayton
    ASL Info:    55/Country Boy/Somewhere
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 883/810/194
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1167
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 636

       As this old man gleaned from the flowers and fruit, glean from this the lesson soon forgot!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Watching each day, on the porch across the way,
    He sipped from his homemade brew.
    From the first warm spring rain, from flowers he'd strain,
    Sweet wines, with flavors so new.

    As the days pined away, taking in all that he'd say,
    From children to manhood we grew.
    His memory is clear, and lessons taught we still fear,
    Sweet wines, with such special hues.

    But a price you will pay, by sipping wine all the day,
    Your days will be shortened a few.
    The lesson he taught, and one soon forgot,
    How its poision will slowly kill you.

    Submitted on 2006-05-04 07:52:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well, Let me first say that it has been a long time my friend.

    I don't think you saying that drinking is bad for you, I think you are saying that drinking in excess is bad for you.
    Now I have know gentlemen that have drank this way but not the homemade brew. No matter what the poison is, it is the quantity that kills you.
    An old man can teach wisdom but he can also learn it too.

    Sometimes though a good stiff belt of the sour mash helps me sleep...lol

    Nice write old friend

    Respect and Admeration

    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      Trying to motivate people to stop drinking, that's pretty noble. If that is in fact what you were trying to do? It sounds to me as if you are trying to warn that too much of a good thing is still too much.

    One thing I would like to point out is in this line:

    "From children to manhood we grew."

    It sounds odd to me, maybe change it to "from childhood to manhood". It just seems to me that if you were going to use children, then you would use men instead of manhood. If that makes sense at all, it's just my weird way of thinking.

    Overall, I think you have a nice little moral here. Good job. ...bb...

    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      When I read this I could imagine an old man drinking home-made wine, little or no teeth, old clothes with grey patches on the pants and old dusty suit.

    It's very well written and in fact I came up with a couple of theories what the old-man and his wine could be (as very complex metaphors). He-he, I like to make simple things complicated. Not used to the fact that "simple" poems exist. Who knows what hides behind the words, in the very depths of the whiteness?

    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by WriterX | [ Reply to This ]
      i want some of that good homemade brew... though i dont know if i'd sit all day on my porch sipping it...
    interesting poem and like Lorna i am interested in the "inspiration" behind it... but to be honest, once again i have nothing of real substance to put in this comment, so i will stop wasting my time and yours and just say this:
    I like it... its good... great write...

    PEACE and LOVE, greg
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by geherald | [ Reply to This ]
      So nice to have you back! And this is an interesting poem. It raises questions in my mind as to the motivation or "inspiration" behind this poem. Anyway, this is very good. You tell a tale all so true and the ending here is a good moral to this little story. Always enjoyable to sip some wine at the end of a long stressful day, yet too much of a good thing is definitely too much and a good thing becomes something very bad. You did a fine job writing this one. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      The motto being excess is bad...the poison only shortens your days if 'by sipping wine all the day'...I assume this was meant to be some form of warning about excess drinking...a moral that should be drummed into some people's heads...Lissy
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by selfbetrayal | [ Reply to This ]

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