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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Intectualdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Brwnsknsam05
    ASL Info:    32/F/ Cuba
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 399/440/103
    Words: 245
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 1063
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1627



    Description:
       I'm me, point blank...and PERIOD


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIntectualdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Do not hate me
    Cause you ain't me
    Simply put
    You could never be
    Never try

    But I won't deny
    That its a bitch
    Pretending to be
    The me, some people
    Simply like to see
    Its a hassle
    Being the do gooder
    People wish me to be
    It messes me up
    Cause people want me to be
    Sassy and sweet

    I won't deny
    So, don't even try
    To be me
    Don't hate me
    Cause you ain't me

    Its a bitch
    To hold my damn head up high
    Look down at you in utter disgrace
    Hell, I ain't better then the next joe
    Jane, whatever
    But I do know
    A year from now
    And a year after then
    You will never know my name
    Never remember it even

    So, like I was telling you
    Its a bitch to be me
    To stand out and make
    Everyone see
    That I'm not
    Ashley or Charnique
    Or any girl between

    Do not hate me
    Cause you ain't me

    I'm an intectual
    Our founder's dream
    I don't blunder over nonsense
    Or spit in the effort of a team
    I don't judge purposefully
    Or tempt fate by being mean

    I am who I am
    No matter time day or week
    No matter year millenium or century
    I am an intectual
    I demand respect

    Don't hate me
    Cause you ain't me
    Its a bitch
    Being who you aren't





    Submitted on 2006-05-04 14:36:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      yeah you're right, you ain't no ashley or charnique...lol, but thats good though.you are very independant, and you're not afraid to speak your piece, which i will say is very cool. you have a ton of confidence as well, which is obvious from this poem, but there were a few things i didn't agree with, it's not a [censored] to hold your head up, and it's not a [censored] to stand out either...i mean Shit, thats what makes us, well...us, you know? i would think that you would be holding up your head struttin your Shit, because you got that, " i can rule the world attitude" cause thats the way i walk, lol. anyway, im gonna go because i no longer make sense...lmao...later.

    brent
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm, it was rather catchy, a little over repiticious, but it was good. Sounded like the lyrics to a rap song, the vocab, the rhyming, the structure-- it worked though; I hope that's what you were going for. A few minor adjustments could be made such as the addition of punctuation to help the flow... There wasn't really much imagery or intense descriptions... The part about 'Joe and Jane' was a little off key, and just seemed as if it were put there to add another rhyme. Overall, it helps address a good lesson, and I believe the way you wrote it expressed that well.
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by Rask | [ Reply to This ]


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