Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Intectualdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Brwnsknsam05
    ASL Info:    32/F/ Cuba
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 399/440/103
    Words: 245
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 1047
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1627



    Description:
       I'm me, point blank...and PERIOD


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIntectualdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Do not hate me
    Cause you ain't me
    Simply put
    You could never be
    Never try

    But I won't deny
    That its a bitch
    Pretending to be
    The me, some people
    Simply like to see
    Its a hassle
    Being the do gooder
    People wish me to be
    It messes me up
    Cause people want me to be
    Sassy and sweet

    I won't deny
    So, don't even try
    To be me
    Don't hate me
    Cause you ain't me

    Its a bitch
    To hold my damn head up high
    Look down at you in utter disgrace
    Hell, I ain't better then the next joe
    Jane, whatever
    But I do know
    A year from now
    And a year after then
    You will never know my name
    Never remember it even

    So, like I was telling you
    Its a bitch to be me
    To stand out and make
    Everyone see
    That I'm not
    Ashley or Charnique
    Or any girl between

    Do not hate me
    Cause you ain't me

    I'm an intectual
    Our founder's dream
    I don't blunder over nonsense
    Or spit in the effort of a team
    I don't judge purposefully
    Or tempt fate by being mean

    I am who I am
    No matter time day or week
    No matter year millenium or century
    I am an intectual
    I demand respect

    Don't hate me
    Cause you ain't me
    Its a bitch
    Being who you aren't





    Submitted on 2006-05-04 14:36:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      yeah you're right, you ain't no ashley or charnique...lol, but thats good though.you are very independant, and you're not afraid to speak your piece, which i will say is very cool. you have a ton of confidence as well, which is obvious from this poem, but there were a few things i didn't agree with, it's not a [censored] to hold your head up, and it's not a [censored] to stand out either...i mean Shit, thats what makes us, well...us, you know? i would think that you would be holding up your head struttin your Shit, because you got that, " i can rule the world attitude" cause thats the way i walk, lol. anyway, im gonna go because i no longer make sense...lmao...later.

    brent
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm, it was rather catchy, a little over repiticious, but it was good. Sounded like the lyrics to a rap song, the vocab, the rhyming, the structure-- it worked though; I hope that's what you were going for. A few minor adjustments could be made such as the addition of punctuation to help the flow... There wasn't really much imagery or intense descriptions... The part about 'Joe and Jane' was a little off key, and just seemed as if it were put there to add another rhyme. Overall, it helps address a good lesson, and I believe the way you wrote it expressed that well.
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by Rask | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    101823

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Carry written by saartha
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cover written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    prison written by ShyOne
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Etiquette written by saartha
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Records I written by Raphael

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry