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    dots Submission Name: The Conversation Of Dawningdots

    Author: nebnim
    ASL Info:    21 - Female - My Room
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 284/405/75
    Words: 214
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 1226
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1338

       Okay...this didn't turn out quite as I'd hoped, but I still dig it. Each stanza (including the first) is four lines from various songs. I tried to meld them to make a conversation between two men...one of which has lost his faith, and one who is struggling to keep his. If you think you can guess all 8 songs, leave the answer in a private message to me. I'll let you know if you're right :) No cheating now!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Conversation Of Dawningdots

    Two men, they started walking,
    Started talking ‘bout better days.
    One says to the other,
    “We do it all again, seems I knew I would.”

    “Why am I so fascinated by
    Bigger pictures, better things?
    But I don’t care what you think,
    You’ll never understand me.”

    “You’re such an inspiration for the ways
    That I’ll never ever choose to be.
    Oh so many ways for me to show you
    How your savior has abandoned you.”

    “When that love comes down without devotion
    Well it takes a strong man, baby,
    But I’m showing you the door
    ‘Cause I gotta have faith.”

    “Be a good boy, push a little farther now.
    That wasn’t fast enough to make me happy.
    I’ll love you just the way you are,
    If you’re perfect.”

    “Now it’s just too late
    And we can’t go back.
    I’m sorry,
    I can’t be perfect.”

    “Keep your eyes open for a while.
    In a box high upon the shelf, left for you, no one else.
    There’s a piece of a puzzle known as life,
    Wrapped in guilt, sealed up tight.”

    “Well I know that I’ll get through this
    ‘Cause I know that I am strong.
    And I don’t need you anymore.
    No, I don’t need you anymore.”

    Submitted on 2006-05-04 15:22:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      What a co-inky-dink! I just so happen to be listening to that song right now as I type this that you wrote in the first stanza, HA! Nickelback. That is my favorite song of theirs, Breathe. And kicked in some APC as well.

    Very good job at melting a bunch of songs together. I just did a journal of the chorus' on the latest CD I burned and that Nickelback song was on there. Its a rocker! I liked this one Rachel.
    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sure you've heard of the story Peter Pan, right? The ending wherein Wendy chose to go back while Peter chose to stay, reminded me of this. By choosing to grow up... Wendy chose life. By choosing to stay... Peter chose eternity... or perhaps... existance. It's like choosing between waking up and dreaming.

    This piece reminded me of that.

    Because to choose life is not that different from having faith... and sometimes... choosing death isn't so different from it either. It's an ironic notion... I know.

    Anyway, your piece seemed a bit awkward because there wasn't a concrete division on who said who. I know they had alternate turns but reading it for the first time led to a bit of confusion... and not everyone has the patience to read poems for the second time (Don't worry. I did.)

    Maybe you could use some italics, or a bit of formatting to clarify the division. Just a suggestion.

    But you know, its form right now, does have an advantage. It gives that illusion that they are the same person. Actually, it made me consider that or the fact that they had something in common, something strong enough for them to hold on to during the conversation. And, illusions are good in poems. They help make the peace more. Perhaps we could say that illusions give poems a somewhat trascendental quality.

    And all the writer could do after releasing his piece to the world is have faith.
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]

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