I Didn't Mean to by mysterious one

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Submission Name: I Didn't Mean to dots

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Author:	mysterious one
ASL Info:	19/f/in my head
Elite Ratio:	3.55 - 56/56/16
Words:	77

Class/Type:	Poetry/Sorry
Total Views:	226
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	481

Description:

I Didn't Mean to dots

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I didn't mean to upset you,
I never ment to make you cry,
I didn't mean to hurt you,
But there's some things you just can't hide.
I didn't mean to disappoint you,
I never ment to break the tye,
I didn't mean to leave you,
But you always seemed to lie.
I didn't mean to not tell you,
I never ment to say goodbye,
I didn't mean to run away,
But I just wanted to die.

Submitted on 2006-05-04 20:04:56 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  okay well first let me say that I do love your style in general, there's a lot of talent in a writer who can say what they are feeling so genuinly without hiding behind riddles and such so I do respect that a lot. and I know what you're feeling here, and how much it hurts to know what you did hurt somebody you cared about but I did think there was a little too much repitition in this write, it was good but just a little too redundant after a while, like it took a way a little of the meaning and flow after a while. so overall I thought this was a nice write but could be cleaned up a bit
take care,
~jess
| Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey,

I think you need to relook at this, a few more lines added in between the last line might help, I felt that it went to "i just didn't want to die" really quickly and there wasn't enough of a theme developed yet to jump to that...I like the repetition you've got going the poem works well when read out loud it just a needs a little more in my opinion.
~Sunset
| Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by sunset | [ Reply to This ]
  You need to break away from the role of subservience and find your own feet. You write well, but you need to put yourself in a more dominant position. Keep writing--keep developing.
| Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by coyote | [ Reply to This ]

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