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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Breaking Freedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mysterious one
    ASL Info:    24/f/in my head
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 58/57/17
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 1060
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 294



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBreaking Freedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes I feel so alone,
    like there's noone there to relate.
    And I hide these feelings inside,
    along with all the rage.
    But one day I'm going to break free,
    away from all the hate.
    I only wish you could see,
    that you control my fate.




    Submitted on 2006-05-04 20:13:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      again I find it easy to relate to your writing, almost as if you're sharing the thoughts I've had/am having. This was a pretty short write but you captured a lot of meaning and emotion behind a fairly small amount of words. I don't see anything I would change except possibly go into more detail but sometimes there's nothing else to say, the reader has to either understand it and take it for what it is (hehe starts singing *Take the red for what it's worth. ) or just not understand and give it a good try ya know?
    great write,
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel the same. I just want to run away and do what I want where no one knows me.

    Short, but with a big meaning and powerful if you can relate to it. I can't see anything that could be fixed. Well done.
    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by olut ja leipa | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahh! Let no one else control your fate, or at least don't let them know it. In the seventh line you should change "with" to wish, other wise this is a well captured dream of escape, John.
    | Posted on 2006-07-29 00:00:00 | by coyote | [ Reply to This ]


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