[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Time-Consuming Lovedots

    Author: wewak11
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 3436/3630/329
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1378
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 744

       a Spenserian Sonnet...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTime-Consuming Lovedots

    As time dissolves to pudding, watch my spoon,
    and I'll consume a plastic plate of years;
    to turn the bastard Never into Soon,
    how long must we endure these false veneers?

    I swim upstream to spawn inside your tears,
    exploding guilty dams that stem your blood,
    your happiness spills over new frontiers
    as passion pulses through you like a flood.

    I pull you from a pool of clinging mud,
    as life ties knots around you in its weave;
    we lock the sheets of past with chain and stud
    tomorrow waits with dreams we can believe.

    We’ll lick the plate and ask the Gods for more,
    And lie replete, on sunset’s secret shore.

    Submitted on 2006-05-04 20:22:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! Your use of images, enlightend, and colored. It was funny, because there was no one image that would have been able to really stand alone. Together though, there is real strength. It's complete, and alive. This is the kind of thing that makes me long for that, those feelings, those hopes and desires.

    Goose bumps! Goose bumps. . . !
    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by thepowerglider | [ Reply to This ]
      Lots of unique imagery in this...relating living life to the oral sensations of eating makes it have a very tactile feel that is almost arousing...I don't know...I just got these glimpses of pudding and licking and etc. etc. and I guess my mind is in the gutter right now so what can I say...? lol

    Ah, me...
    | Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good. This was full of imagery and it seem to flow well. I enjoyed this. I had no clue what this was about, but I was drawn to this and read it over and over. Now I want to write a sonnet! lol. Thanks you have given me a idea to write a sonnet myself now. lol. Not bad at all.

    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I had expected something else, by the title and was pleasantly surprised to see the body of this poem being so deliciously different than any poem I've read.

    How you continue to write new and interesting ways of expressing love and longing, is beyond me.


    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is the kind of stuff I really love. It takes a very creative mind to write the kind of thought behind this poem in words that just intoxicate the mind with subtle images of longing.

    It is amazing how the word choice is almost phlegmatic (pudding, spoon, mud, chains), yet the images they create together are of tenderness.

    I think the title is perfect!
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by Visi | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems you have lost a few on this site with this piece, which is sad because if you take the time to really read this it is a beautiful piece.

    We start with a couple, wanting to be together but unable to because timing is off. Our voice is willing to try to wait until 'Never" can become 'Soon", but hates the false face he has to wear wating to be with the one he loves. (I like dissolves better than melts- it hold the pentameter this way.)

    And when they finally come together he finds a way to get past the Walls, the saddness she has held onto, opening her up to happiness, new pleasures, and passion.)

    And by doing so they are able to put the horrible past in the past and move on, into a happier, newer, freer life. A life full of dreams that are now capable of coming true.

    And having found love, acceptance,a nd "Soon" they are content to just enjoy each other.

    You have, again, taken a rhyme scheme that is restrictive and found a way to make it flow.

    I'm glad you haven't tired of writing love poems yet, I haven't tired of reading them!

    Take Care!

    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know why no one commented, until now! and I am privileged to be the first (well, for the poem anyway!). I thought it was beautiful. and I am always awed at your mastery of sonnets. it makes me nostalgic for that which I cannot have, but can dream about! lovely poem graeme.
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Linger written by saartha
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Push written by JanePlane
    Giving written by jjd
    untitled written by Chelebel
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    To written by SavedDragon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]