this ia a very interesting piece and written very well, you are quite talented and your words are dark and satanic and the emotions very well expressed. Your thoughts run dark inside your heart. I to also wonder what you were thinking when you wrote this piece as well a excellant write Hope you will enjoy reading some of my work some time.
Hm, a bit.... akward. I must say I didn't quite understand it but what i think is that yuo are putting down god the others and the bible. It seems to me you are athiest. But who knows that is just my opinion. :)
This is really good. I love the way you added all that biblical imagery, that was very very creative and really made me visualize it better. I loved this line here the most
"a biblical tidal wave of crimson flows ever on."
This is brilliant and has a lot of imagery in it. most people can visualize the parting of the red sea but then when you add a twist like that, it really makes the picture in my head even better. and yeah it could be a little longer i think. You like described how moses relates to the pain, how john the baptist does and the jesus shotgun was brilliant, i loved that metaphor, but then you dont expand on the God as a gas can or mary as a match, i think you should write more about them too. Other than that i really enjoyed this poem
hey ok i loved it fisrt of all. but there may have not veen humer but i saw it in it. i loved how u pulled that off just the flow and the rhyme of it was completly awsome the only thing i didnt like was the ending for a poem that started strong it ended kinda weak to me but other than that i loved it keep smiling hun:)
it seems many people have already commented on this piece, but i like it. though Moses did not part the red sea, god did... he just took the claim for it. but i get what it means. I dont have much to say on this piece because it speaks for itself. but i love how you used "god" and his ways to describe a suicide.
Hey Joe, saw ya on chat a few times and then noticed this title and I gotta say this was an amazing title and even from the start you got my mind wandering. WOW, I'm impressed and almost speechless (a great challenge, I must admit that) this was amazing, literally the best thing I've read in a LONG time, the thoughts I got in my mind, not only the imagry but the mark this inflicted on my thoughts was brilliant. you could rewrite it but I think with this one it's the idea that matters more then the words....it happens every way if that makes sense to you. Really nothing I would change other than maybe make it a little more poetic but this was amazing. I'll definatly read your other writes now. loved it, ~jess
Your right, this could use a re-write. Great idea though, and in a few lines there you rhymed really well. Good Job with that one. You see to know everything you should change and fix up, because you admitted the fact that it could be written better. Theres absolutly nothing wrong with posting drafts of work that aren't that good, I do it plenty, but what I have a problem with is actually going back and re-writing things. I hope you dont make the same mistake, because this is a great idea and I love the title! Your a beautiful thinker, Joe.
This is really deep You easily expressed how you feel about life at the present time All I can say is I hope and Pray you dont blame God for the negativity you now feel That is a man made creation and you have to realize God has always been with you protecting you from ending your beautiful Life Remaion strong!!!! Being that you wrote this almost two months ago that shows me you are still here and feeling better God Bless Please keep in touch I miss hearing from you Ron
Interesting, very interesting. First, liked the way it rhymed, really. It had that dark, original, at-the-moment sort of feeling, if you can understand that. It's all taken to a whole new level, you could also make it longer it would add to the feeling it already has.
This is a very good Song, It puts a newer and more morbid version onto bible characters that were installed into us as little children as being the perfect people. I love it, Keep up the awesome lyrics.
I love your work. It's dark and has a great rythem to it. It sounds like something I could listen to everyday and not get sick of it. Why, you might ask because I can really realate to what was written especially the first verse.
Okay I can plainly see you are not skipping hand in hand with God in the meadow singing "Jesus loves Me" I do like the way in which you characterized the figures in the Bible. I wouldn't say I agree, but it shows the anger you have for organized religion and how it can make people crazy. That it is hypocritical and unforgiving. There are grammar issues. All in all I liked it a great deal.