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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Look at the World Todaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 237
    Class/Type: Rant/Serious
    Total Views: 1317
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1432



    Description:
       Rant... very much so


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLook at the World Todaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Everyday we walk the streets,
    we know well all our avenues,
    We walk around the town,
    We see the forgotten,
    do nothing about it,
    think we too good for them,
    Walk by everyday,
    They see you and they know it,
    and one day while walking,
    let us say you see your brother,
    the one you thought had moved on,
    there is no way of denying it,
    you grew up with this guy all your life,
    and now you see him asking for change in the corner,
    but you keep walking,
    don't want to be recognized,
    don't want to be known for being part of the family,
    even though he is your brother,
    you still wouldn't budge?
    seeing that he is dying,
    being easy to judge,
    and thats the world today for you,
    are we not conscious enough,
    that while we live in these nice houses,
    the kid down the street don't have a home,
    that while we have this life,
    we do barely anything to help,
    and it is not because we dont hear the cry,
    they cry out loud my friend,
    how are they supposed to move up,
    if no one hires them,
    how are they supposed to get a home,
    if no one cares about them,
    so they are forced to live the life,
    and they live to love the pain,
    and that is just a part,
    of the world we live in today.




    Submitted on 2006-05-05 06:40:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Not so much a rant but more of something true to the word. I really enjoying reading this. But I didn't really liked your use of punctuation. The comma seemed a bit excessive and overused. I going to copy this and make some suggestions. You may use them as you see fit or not at all, that is completely up to you. I probably make also make further corrections as I see fit but again these are only suggestions.



    Everyday we walk the streets,
    we know well all our avenues[.]
    We walk around the town
    [and] see the forgotten
    [yet] do nothing about it.
    Think we're too good for them.
    [We] walk by everyday,
    they see you and they know it.
    [A]nd one day while walking,
    let us say[,]you see your brother.
    The one you thought had moved on.
    There is no way of denying it
    You grew up with this guy all your life,
    and now you see him on the corner asking[...]for change.
    [B]ut you keep walking,
    don't want to be recognized,
    don't want to be known for being part of the family.
    Even though he is your brother,
    you still wouldn't budge?
    Seeing that he is dying,
    being easy to judge
    and thats the world today for you.
    Are we not conscious enough?
    That while we live in these nice houses,
    the kid down the street [doesn't] have a home.
    That while we have this life,
    we do barely anything to help.
    And it is not because we don't hear the cry,
    they cry out loud my friend.
    How are they supposed to move up,
    if no one hires them?
    How are they supposed to get a home,
    if no one cares about them?
    So they are forced to live [that] life,
    and they live to love the pain.
    [A]nd that is just a part,
    of the world we live in today.

    I have bracketed most of the changes that I suggest, there are a few though that I didn't bracket but you are suppose be able to see them clearly anyway. It read a little better this way to me, but remember these are only suggestions you don't have to follow them if you don't want to.

    That being said, I must I enjoyed and like how you used imagery and direct examples to get your point across. You kinda forced the reader to be involved in this by using a family member for an example, though that brother doesn't necessarily have to be a literal brother but thats beside that point.

    Keep up the good and thoughtful work and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.

    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that... for a rant, you touched on a very serious issue, one that I've often thought about but have never found a way to put into words, so it sits in the back of my mind, a question waiting for an answer.

    I'm naive, I'll put that out there right now. I want to believe the best in everyone, so for the most part, when I see someone asking for money, I will give it to them. One day I tested out a theory. I had food that I had barely touched and offered it to a man in Downtown Boston. He turned it down and when I asked him why, he told me very honestly "I want to buy liquor. I don't want food". That little experience made me a bit weary, maybe even cynical that they're all like that, but every now and then, I'll still give up a few dimes or so.

    I think what you've done is raised an issue of ethics, morality, and hypocrisy. Yes, we want to see these people in a better environment, living under better circumstances, yet we don't want to take the time out to actually try and uplift them ourselves. It takes too much work, or it's just not our job. It's a shame - those who are better off can do so much, but sometimes, we just choose not to.

    You are an extraordinarily compassionate person, I can see that very cleary through this poem. If I may make a statement - you can take it or leave it if you want - I think that you will do great things (if you are not already) for your community and society in general later on in life. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~

    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey there, This poem is so honest it makes my stomach twist. I know it is true and it happens all the time, but at the same time, when I go downtown there are so many people sometimes I don't even notice, there are too many people there to help them as a sinlge person myself. However, I've always believed that wealth determines no class. And it doesn't make us better then them... but they are helpless in ways we can help them and to smirk and stare and make fun of them like outcasts isn't fair but it happens all the time, in more ways than we think. One thing I liked about the way you wrote this is that you put the reader in the position that they were doing this (and a lot of people probably have) but some don't and to strangle them and saddle them in this position is quite effective for both. But at the same time it made me angry because it felt like you were labeling everyone so cruel as to leave their own brother like that... Lol, but then that's the point, what's the difference? We leave people to suffer all the time while we return to our homes no matter what size and snooze.

    Still, I wouldn't of been embarressed to help anyone

    Awesome poem, oh my, you really made me ramble!!
    I just can't express myself sometimes...

    ~eL
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by Pink:.DragonFly | [ Reply to This ]
      well, i agree that a lot of people would just walk on by pretending that they dont see what is happening...but not everyone. i dont...i dont give money, but i do however go buy them some food and bring it back. but ya know, i remember one time i did that, and the guy didnt want food...if i wouldn't give him money then i was wasting his time....you have to realize that some of the 'unfortunate ones' are nothing more than scammers...i do know that not all are like that...but it shows you something when a beggar on the street wont accect anything but money.

    now furthermore, i do need to point out that there is a reason these people are on the street with no job etc. i mean, the things i have today... they werent given to me...i worked hard and long for what i have. i'm not saying that some dont have a legit sob story that was unavoidable as to why they are on the street, but in my opinion, i think that a lot of people made that choice within a string of choices made in the past. i mean, i could have spent all my money on booze and drugs, and i could have gambled everything away, or i could have never worked a day in my life expecting everyone else to take care of my wants and needs etc...but i chose otherwise...

    well, anyway, i know i just did a little rant within your rant...i just wanted to make a point. but in saying that, i want to point out that i'm not one of the people you're ranting about that just walk by like they dont see anything.
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      I believe that we all set standards. We all live a lifestyle that we want portrayed of ourselves. Sad, when we walk and ridicule. Most of the time never even knowing we do.

    Your rant here was very well heard on my behalf. You pointed out a part of society that has gone overlooked. Mostly because that is what "the world we live in today" has made us to be.

    Sad......

    with pure hearts comes pure minds...not many know how to make these two function together.

    This was a well thought out rant.

    Much love,

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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