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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Your Wonderlanddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Leila
    ASL Info:    19/female/South Africa
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 98/85/18
    Words: 205
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 187
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 1315



    Description:
       This is a poem about love, but not particularly the type of love that is good for you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Your Wonderlanddots
    -------------------------------------------


    In your world of candy and cotton wool,
    I will pour out confessions that I am your fool.
    With rivers of milk and lands of honey,
    I dance in the the regal whirlwind it is to me.

    As if a treacherous act of treason,
    I forsake all reality, time and reason.
    It's nights capped with spice and days made of dreams
    that eternally imprisons me it seems.

    "Just one more waltz," you will insist again,
    "step on this rollercoaster with a treasured friend.
    I cannot decline through my mind's pacing,
    this funfair romance is far too captivating.

    And as sugar and waste runs through my veins,
    I have forgotten the reality of pain.
    Back on earth, where good people hurt and die,
    they stop, turn and wonder, but where on earth am I?

    Truth be told, I live in a fantasy,
    like an angry teen, I am somewhere inbetween,
    where the water tastes of sweet magic-ade
    and life is the Mardi Gras, marching grand parade.

    Perhaps now that the clock slows it's tick-tock,
    my life in your world will eventually stop.
    Stop, dear, where I may rest my tired hands
    and liberate from the bliss of your wonderland.




    Submitted on 2006-05-05 14:54:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I noticed one thing or theme that is through out your pome. That your are kinda seperated distant somewhat alone. At least in different parts of this piece. Seems like you would rather stay away then to be caught up in (treason) or a dance. Even though you do one more dance you already know the outcome. Far from a romance. The outcome of posion pulsing through your veins. To me that is not really worth grabbing the hand for a dance. Nice ending about your weary hands. This pome makes me think of a merry go round. while it is continually moving it really never goes anywhere. Even if you are watching it from far away. Makes no difference, for on the ride is where your heart is. A relationship that just goes one way round and round. You gave your heart and filled in the gap with his posion. A lot said in a few words. Sounds like you are more then willing to commit treason. I sould shy away from these acts sounds as if he is in total controll and you need some of it back. Well obviously your pome got me a thinking so I have to say over all good write up. If I may i suggest you give a bit more info on the characters to help the readers care about the pain and the treason. The more your audience connects with the writter. The more of a responce or a feeling they give depending on how the pome flows.


    Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear
    | Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
      Not bad at all, I guess you're talking of a n addiction of some kind?

    A nice way to express it, as a lover, and you reluctantly unable to resist the "one more time"

    Very well done, I can't really offer much in the way of suggestion, unless you're interested in meter and stuff.

    nice poem

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]



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