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No Where to Run (Complete)

Author: necrotic
ASL Info:    22/F/NY
Elite Ratio:    8 - 198 /94 /33
Words: 279
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 1798
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1694


I edited and finished this poem. I hope everyone enjoys it.

No Where to Run (Complete)

My mind, it swallows me from behind.
This sickness that my heart holds fades into sweet colors of red and pink.
My skin feels as if it will shatter into veins of clotted blood.
The clouds cry tears of purple acid which fall upon my face,
but yet I can feel nothing.
No pain can reach the vessels of my brain that enable me to reach a sudden feeling.
At night I sometimes see the monsters that hide beneath the ground,
our very limbs touch their fingers while they press against the earth's core.
I am searching for my escape, but find no tunnels which lead back to where I came from.
My inland, with stunning paintings on the ground of demons that fall from Hell in enroachment,
heaving blood and bones from casualties of my unwelcoming city.
Where the dead walk comatose and uninhabited.
Instead, I am stuck between my worlds of despair.
Depression, discomposing beating of my own thoughts,
waiting for my pathway to open.
But to walk back into my idyllic realm would be burdensome.
Miscreations - chasing me,
behind the trees and into obscurations that hide themselves within the dead leaves which hug the ground.
I am falling - sinking into an atramentous pool,
encaging me in it's grasp.
And when I pause to look around,
I find that there is no where to run.
Nothing that will spread out in a gaping and aphotic path,
leading my back to my immense world of collapsing ground and unfreed prisoners.
Where my heart can beat to unsoundly music and I can watch my overflowing demons scream for more heartache.

Submitted on 2006-05-06 00:25:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This Is quite good, actually it made me want to go back to the incomplete version to see what you had improved on... which made me glad that you completed it, because I really did enjoy reading this one. It's interesting, the subjects you chose to write about, and the approaches you take. You have a way with words, that in turn makes me reflect on my own writing style. we are so so different in so many ways (which is what it's all about; I know) ... but, well... you are just very good at creating fantastic imagery for a reader.

I didn't struggle as much as I have previously done with the flow and rythm of this piece... which could be why I liked it so much. It could also be the fact that I can easily relate to this one (unfortunately) as it is a very dark and morbid write.
I did struggle with a few lines in it however, as they tend to differ from the other... you know to many words crammed in to, to small a space. But with a quick revision, that can be fixed.

My favourite lines would have to be:

"I am searching for my escape, but find no tunnels which lead back to where I came from.
My inland, with stunning paintings on the ground of demons that fall from Hell in enroachment"

I like the way it is written, I like the flow, the rythm, everything about this part...

I am sure that there is more that I can say about this piece, but sometimes I find myself not wanting to write any more... Unfortunately this is one of those times... maybe I will come back to this one at a later date... but for now, I like it!
well done on this one.

| Posted on 2007-08-16 00:00:00 | by seriouscutter19 | [ Reply to This ]
  this was very good. quite descriptive.

No pain can reach the vessels of my brain that enable me to reach a sudden feeling.

this line is kind of awkward, though.
| Posted on 2007-04-21 00:00:00 | by HappyBuddaH | [ Reply to This ]
  This is f.ucking good!!! I read it a couple times and what I like a lot is that you're not just trying to gross out or scare the reader but there's a subtle message to it that gives this poem purpose. First though, i wanna talk about the descriptions, You're so f.ucking good and coming up wit descriptions that are morbid and have a touch of goriness but its not overdone and leaves a lot to imagine, i think that makes this poem hell of a lot better than it would have been if you just put in a lot of gore. I also like the subtle meaning thing, it seems to me that from the way you write it, that the demons or your creations are the result of something inside. The write seems as if you let anger and rage and that created inner demons that now have you trapped and you can't do anything about it. Thats wat i really like about this poems is that you get so much out of it instead of just gory descriptions if you take the time to read it and think about it. This is a fav. F.ucking awesome!
| Posted on 2006-05-30 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this one a lot, and I don't really know much about poetry. The darkness of it was great...the picture obviously contributes to it. The only thing I might have you do with the poem is maybe break it up a little bit...right now it feels kind of cluttered and I think a lot of people on this site, when they see stuff thats all merged together-thats when they refuse to read it. But, the rest of us who appreciate things for what they are-read it. Thanks.
| Posted on 2006-05-06 00:00:00 | by norm | [ Reply to This ]

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