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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mind Gamedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1178
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1092



    Description:
       Does your mind ever play games with you? I have been having quite a different night and being the fact i cant sleep my mind is playing head games. some of which i do not like at all.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMind Gamedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Thick, putrid air
    surrounds myself and yet,
    only a moments notice
    until one is gone.

    The clouds of residue
    seem not fade,
    only causing more force
    upon my shoulders.

    Closing in around,
    I can still hear faintly
    what borders me.

    Ones self must not
    be confused of
    the trickery these
    "nature" words
    trying to soothe.

    All of this is make-believe,
    but only the ones
    with the listening eyes
    will know it.

    Such a child will
    engage in innocence;
    because they have yet
    to learn what
    the masters provide ahead.

    The devolping mind is
    fragile, touch it,
    you will see
    and all we can touch
    is what lays in front of me.

    I think my mind decided
    to play a game today.
    It just forgot to remind me.




    Submitted on 2006-05-06 04:42:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a creepy poem.. it brings back a very bad memory i had..

    I was held to the bed and a voice whispered in my ear "I will be the ruler of the world.."

    But that wasnt my head playing tricks...


    Erm.. creepy..


    by the way.. what does slntfirfrm mean?

    We may be done with the past.. but the past is never done with us..

    shaun
    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by shanu | [ Reply to This ]
      Jesi,

    There are a few little places where I Thnk you need to clean up your write here.

    In the first stanza, I would make 'myself' two words, 'my self'. Other myself sounds odd to me and I am left wondering why you didn't just say 'me'

    "seem not fade,"
    should this be 'not to'? or maybe 'unfaded'?

    "Ones self must not
    be confused of
    the trickery these
    "nature" words
    trying to soothe."

    would read better and make more sense as:

    "Ones self must not
    be confused BY
    the trickery OF these
    "nature" words
    trying to soothe.

    'confused of' is poor english and makes no sense.

    I know it's nit-picky stuff but I see little else wrong with the write.
    | Posted on 2006-05-06 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
      ...by the way...great picture with this write! It fits in perfectly!
    Kimmy
    | Posted on 2006-05-06 00:00:00 | by KimmyMim | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting...you refer to the air as "thick and putrid," weighing heavy and surrounding you...though you cannot see through the "fog," you can still hear "reality" on the border.

    Your write is concise and precise. You do not use a lot of unnecessary vocabulary...therefore you get your point across quite well.

    I enjoyed this write thoroughly...brought back many memories...LOL! (I'm triple your age!)

    I love this line, "...only the ones with listening eyes will know it."

    I am impressed that you made mention about the "developing mind." At age 15, you still have about 10 years before your brain chemicals will complete their development. This is a crucial time for you, and others who share your thoughts. Most especially, it would be dangerous to introduce drugs and drink as it would really screw up those sensitive chemicals...wouldn't want to permanently alter while your body is trying to finish up growing.

    I'm thinking, too...the voices you hear are normal. You, however, must decide which ones to listen to...and which ones to ignore. You well know by now the difference between good and bad...

    Mother had the dream again.
    Same as it ever was.
    Sitting...alone she would be.
    Then..."they" would come.
    There were many.
    First..."they" would call her name.
    Mother would turn her head
    toward them and stand.
    Then, "they" would approach,
    with their eyes always
    looking directly at her.
    Mother would turn to walk away
    and they would pick up their pace.
    Mother would start to run
    checking behind often.
    "They" would keep up
    and begin to catch up.
    She would feel one touch her
    and she would wake up
    breathing heavy and lying
    in a pool of cold sweat.

    My mom told a friend about these dreams. Her friend told her not to run. "They" were "Fear." The more she would run, the more they would pursue and chase her...and the more "they" would become. Her friend also told her, "...when you stand up...look back at them...face the fear...and yell at them..."GO AWAY! ...Hold your ground," the Someone said. Mother took their advice..."They" left.

    This was only a dream that Mother had. Impressive is that she was able to prepare herself before she slipped into oblivion...and became unconscious...she MADE herself do what she WANTED to do.

    The difference here is that you are conscious while these voices disturb you. These voices are your conscience...good and bad...they war with each other in your mind, they toy with your spirit...and with what your body wants to do.

    Advice sweetie...only listen to what you know is good...ignore what you know is bad, and eventually they will leave you. You can do it! You have Free Will!!!

    Hugs and stuff!
    Kimmy
    | Posted on 2006-05-06 00:00:00 | by KimmyMim | [ Reply to This ]


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