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Frozen


Author: Jingles
ASL Info:    19.m.canada
Elite Ratio:    2.08 - 18 /60 /36
Words: 229
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1366
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1434



Description:


Be honest and as brutal as desired. It's my first love poem.


Frozen



A shattered past, is all I’ve known
Darkened memories fail to let go
I scream and shout as I run blind
I can’t escape my mind this time
Self portraits of hollow, whispered, deceit
That crimson, That blade was all I’d need
Just when my sanity crumbles apart
And reality’s pierced ,deep through my heart
The light seeps through, and there you are
My angel, my gold, my shining star
Hand in hand you helped me through
My past has faded to reveal you
That’s when my realization rewinds
I was never alone through those sleepless nights
You were right there, ready to sing
Ready to fly me away on you’re wings
No longer a victim to that shattered past
Together forever, from first to last
Through the past and the present, today and tomorrow,
Withering away, the other ones sorrow
You gave me that breath, that fresh breath of life
In that one single kiss, you relieved me of this knife
My hollow chest, no heart remains
A piece of yours now takes its place
I close my eyes I’m swallowed in dreams
No more nightmares, tear me at the seams
I dream of that light, of that eternal place
My eyes slowly open and I see you’re face
I realize now that its not a dream
Its my reality, and it freezes when you’re with me




Submitted on 2006-05-07 02:18:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This wasn't too bad, i enjoyed it. there wasn't anythign i'd really change about it besides cutting it up a tad to make it easier on the eyes like what the first comment looks like their stating. thanks for sharing and keep up the good work.
| Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by Cannablisjunkie | [ Reply to This ]
  is this a nice love poem, at first when it was all depressing i thought that i wasnt going to like this, but i decided i was going to stick it out, and read the whole thing, and im glad i did.

shae
| Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by shae_indauk | [ Reply to This ]
  As far as love poems go, this one is like a whale that turned into a bowl of petunia on the flick of that switch called improbablity drive...

Umm... you did ask for nonsensical remarks!

Love poems are complicated things - when I am in love, every love song and every love poem would make me happy - when I'm not, every love song is hollow and empty and meaningless drivel.

Yet your poem has that ernestness and a sense of sincerity (despite some clichés) that makes me appreciate it.

However, I feel that it could do with some technical polishing - too many commas where it isn't required.

I think it reads better...

A shattered past is all I’ve known
Darkened memories fail to let go
I scream and shout as I run blind
I can’t escape my mind this time
Self portraits of hollow, whispered, deceit
That crimson - that blade was all I’d need

Just as my sanity crumbles apart
And reality’s pierced deep through my heart
The light seeps through and there you are
My Angel! My Gold! My Shining Star!

Hand in hand you helped me through
My past has faded to reveal you
That’s when my realization rewinds
I was never alone those sleepless nights
You were right there, ready to sing
Ready to fly me away on your wings
No longer a victim to that shattered past
Together forever, from first to last
etc...

PS. The whale, the bowl of patunia and the improbability drive are references from The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
| Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]


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