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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Transfixeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1195
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 445



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTransfixeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Something drew me to you like a siren song,
    your face as intoxicating as any drug.
    I stood staring as though you were Medusa,
    but I forced myself to move
    just to prove that I still had the ability,
    but I only cracked a smile;
    then I burned your handsome face into my brain
    and started thinking of something clever to say,
    for when we meet again, and I'm able to speak.





    Submitted on 2004-05-10 04:23:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A little bumpy. I enjoy the 'feel' of this but it just doesn't seem that the words came out right. 'I stood staring as though you were Medusa' doesn't make proper sense to me. There's a point to this line but could come across easier if perhaps it was worded a bit differently. And for some reason or another, names in poetry bother me, just my hangup, but perhaps using the word gorgon would be one step better than calling her by name. 'Then I burned your handsome face into my brain'--did you force yourself to remember this face forever or did the face force itself into your mind? I love your writes enough to let you know this one is good but needs a bit more put into it.
    | Posted on 2004-05-10 00:00:00 | by pyrestarter | [ Reply to This ]
      I disagree with Shrogre, I like the end very much. I know this feeling of not being able to say anything very well. the beginning is good too. I like the simile with the siren song.
    | Posted on 2004-05-10 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the mythological references. Medusa turning you to an emotional stone. The siren song luring you into your doom...

    Yes, we do freeze sometimes when we see the object of our affection. The ensuing speechlessness. The kicking of oursleves when we think up that great opening line that froze on our lips....

    What a fun piece to read. I really liked it.
    | Posted on 2004-05-10 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      This is my second read of the piece. I really like this fresh approach to a worn out topic. It comes across more real and honest than the usual stuttering or "if only I could have found my voice". This leaves a hopefull expectation that is great. I think it is really well written and, are you venturing into slightly longer expressions? This would be really gratifying.
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      i enjoyed reading this. right now, i have the classic case of writer's block so when i read this, i changed the title in my mind to 'an ode to writer's block' and it worked very well for me...
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      awww this is so gorgeous! ha! havent we all felt like this once in our lifetime??
    'And started thinking of something clever to say
    For when we meet again, and I'm able to speak'
    magic... awesome lines! ultimate ending!
    | Posted on 2004-05-12 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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