Death be not proud
For though thou takes the glimmer from her eyes
Her lips are still as radiant as the blood that spills upon her breast
| DID ANA KAREN SALGADO WRITE THIS?! Short but... WOW! You should really copyright that! To me it doesn't even focus on death but uses it as a metaphor for life. It makes me feel that although people attempt to bring you down they can't destroy your spirit. It's the most inspiring thing i've read in a while and the fact that it came from you made it more special! Keep up the excellent work!||| Posted on 2006-05-26 00:00:00 | by Midnight_Rose | [ Reply to This ] || I truly enjoyed this three lines, but let me tell you that you should try to strive for originality. The first line sounds to me very familiar... John Donne (Holy Sonnet X)|
Death be not proud though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull for though art not so...
I cannot stress enough how much you have to keep some originality in your work. But then again, my work is largely influenced by Elizabethan and Romantic poets. What I mean to say is that you have a clear talent and excellent ideas, but you surely can do better than copy a line from Donne's poetry.
Otherwise, this piece has great potential, with a critical comment to Death, and a later realisation that death will come upon us all so it is futile to fear it. Instead, we should embrace it as part of our natural cycle. Good luck with this one, I am sure you will make it into something big.
|| Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by HansRik | [ Reply to This ] || Wow, that's an excellent start. That's the excellent work I was speaking of. You are a born writer, and are obviously progressing so much - which even though I don't know you personally, it still makes me proud. |
As far as giving you ideas on where else to bring this, I don't think you should force this at all. When an idea comes to you, it'll flow through your blood and come out on paper as smoothly as breath escapes your lungs; however, when you force it out, you almost never get what you want out of anything. It'll only annoy you to try and make this a poem when you're not quite inspired completely - so please, for now just set it aside until the idea returns to you. I haven't read any book in quite some time actually, so I - of all people- can't help you that much, and for that I'm sorry. But I know you will do it sooner or later, as this beginning is starting out brilliantly and shows so much (sooo sooo soo much) potential to be a much longer poem.
Alert me when you're done, or if you have a partial idea and maybe I can help you then? Well, I don't know. But I'm never too far away, and I'd love to help you if it's ever needed. Keep going with it! I know you can! Best wishes, and good luck :)- Stefhy
|| Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ] || You have a good start nana and I must say you are evolving as a poet. A suggestion to you: Let this sit for a while and come back to it when you can't even remember the words in the 1st 3 lines. Writer block is often the result of trying to hard and let it sit for a while.|
I dunno but was this inspired by the poem by John Donne. He has a poem tittle deat be not proud or something like that. Mayber reading it will help you. Hope it works out. Good start though
|| Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by Chi-Town Rose | [ Reply to This ] || I think the thought as presented is complete in itself, but if you prefer to enlarge upon that thought, I would take the first line and say in the second line: to sing your humble anthems on high. Third line: they are but reminders of life's reality. Then continue the first stanza,if desired.|
For second stanza,take second line of first stanza and enlarge upon it.
For third stanza take third line of first stanza and enlarge upon it.
For fourth stanza bring the first three stanzas together in a final closing thought
|| Posted on 2006-05-08 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ] |