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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dusty Angeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dark-red-pain
    ASL Info:    18/F/Strayla
    Elite Ratio:    3.96 - 447/432/65
    Words: 178
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1550
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1155



    Description:
       Finally.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDusty Angeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Cobwebs and dust surround my heart
    A place not hard to get to
    Yet avoided with consistency
    You know I'll always love you

    And my heart belongs to you!

    Though I hide up here I ache
    With a longing to be held
    Bring reality back to me
    With touch, the cobwebs melt

    But who would touch a sinner?

    A lonely life I'm sure
    I remember that sometimes
    The hurt is deep inside somewhere
    But the pills distort my mind

    So if I seem ok, I'm not.

    Exhaustion set inside my bones
    Though I'm sure I don't do much
    Lethargy is my new name
    Awake me with a touch

    Reach out to me!

    Floating through life half asleep
    When asleep, I feel wide awake
    Though that state is hard to find
    Even as my eyelids ache

    Sleep avoids me too.

    You can't help me and
    I cannot help myself
    So I'll remain a dusty angel
    On a high and dusty shelf

    The dust only marred by my tears.




    Submitted on 2006-05-08 01:59:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. I agree with everything Samm (LoveToHateMe) said, but I'm not going to copy and paste her whole comment because that would be weird.
    I just can't believe I haven't commented on this already. I know I've read it. Oh well... I've always been a bit of a flake.

    If I wasn't so tired, it would have made me cry. Emotion drips from every word. It all goes together and rhymes perfectly without seeming forced at all... which is awesome.

    The line that says, "You know I'll always love you" was the most sad to me. It's simple, yet managed to rip my heart out and shove it down my throat (metaphorically, of course).

    My favorite part was, "But who would touch a sinner?" I love that question. It's a good one. Everyone should... because whether they admit it or not, they all sin. It's impossibe not to these days. In fact, I'm probably sinning right now even though I'm not doing anything. Apparently there are a thousand ways to break commandments (or so I've learned from twelve horrible years of catholic school).

    Also, I really like the way you used "dusty." Gives the impression that you've been on that shelf for quite a while.


    Annnnyway, my point is... I love everything about this, and once again, I can only give you compliments.

    Very nicely done.

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2007-10-21 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
      I LOVE THIS!!! But it made me sad and now im sad despite that enthusiastic typing. I really do love this. I think the whole thing is perfect and there is nothing bad i could say about this.

    "But who would touch a sinner?

    A lonely life I'm sure
    I remember that sometimes
    The hurt is deep inside somewhere
    But the pills distort my mind"

    i really loved that part.

    "Floating through life half asleep
    When asleep, I feel wide awake
    Though that state is hard to find
    Even as my eyelids ache

    Sleep avoids me too.

    You can't help me and
    I cannot help myself
    So I'll remain a dusty angel
    On a high and dusty shelf

    The dust only marred by my tears."

    i guess that whole thing is my favorite part but the whole poem is spectacular. i am definately adding this to my favorites.
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]
      The flow was interrupted in a few patches, but not really enough to matter. I found this poem a little unusual especially in the last stanza!
    [You can't help me and
    I cannot help myself]

    -This bit made a lot of sense to me because the doctrine image of an angel helps others, but I havenít really heard many state that an angel needs help.

    [So I'll remain a dusty angel
    On a high and dusty shelf

    The dust only marred by my tears.]

    After I read this I saw an image of a porcelain angel crying real tears in an attic, and all I could think of was the owner thinking, "It's ruined now".
    An evoking piece dark-red-pain, I look forward to reading more.

    ~ReMMuS~
    | Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by ReMMuS | [ Reply to This ]
      ...Wow! That's is all I have to really say. I really loved the imagery you use, and the wording is close to perfect. It's amazing the way you write your poetry. I've tried poetry myself, but found out that I am a better story writer than a poet. Keep it up!

    NEO Raven
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by NEO Raven | [ Reply to This ]
      ya i like this title better than "fallen angel" and dont noe if its used ova and ova again i just like this one better! this was a great write!! ya the way u set it up was good! i again dont see anything wrong with this! good joB!
    ~akaila~
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, first off, I'm so glad that you didn't use the title "Fallen angel". That title is so over-used that it makes me sick, so the title was so very much unique and I think that displaysthat you're a very unique person....just like everybody else, lol.
    This was a nice write. I liked how you went into stanzas and then just one-lined it, it added drama to it.

    Peace....for now or never
    *Toxic*
    | Posted on 2006-05-08 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      The imagery and color is really distinct in this. The flow seemed a little clogged in one or two areas but it's still very nice. The style you wrote this in seems like she's talking to someone else about her problems, or something on those lines.

    what I mean is:

    "Cobwebs and dust surround my heart
    A place not hard to get to <----- Story
    Yet avoided with consistency
    You know I'll always love you"

    "And my heart belongs to you!" <------ Reasoning(talking)

    if that makes any sense. Anyway, very nice write Laura. Love it!
    Hope you come back soon.

    - Kyle
    | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]
      waoh, that is a really good poem, and I can really relate.

    For the past ten years i've had an illness called myalgic encephalomyelitis.

    -spencer
    | Posted on 2006-06-14 00:00:00 | by mrmundane | [ Reply to This ]


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