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    dots Submission Name: Scorchdots

    Author: ellisa
    Elite Ratio:    5.51 - 400/415/125
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1055
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 680


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    Try harder

    To prise me from the wood,
    And somehow from me
    Grow windbreak branches.
    Separate fingers
    On horse chestnut trees.
    Green digits spray-painted,
    Diffused over old wood,
    Toxins curdled but firmly sealed,
    <figuratively falling>
    Splayed and ready to break
    Your fall,
    No winter injury.
    In our decline
    Make me something.

    Part my fingers
    And pull up my chin,
    I break out for you, again,
    I dress for spring.

    Submitted on 2006-05-08 11:18:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting. Made me instantly think of bursting, blooming, explosions. The second thing I noticed distracted me from this great write and that was the un-needed caps on most of your lines and also the < > marks, picky, sorry. But it was a little hard to read.

    Try harder
    to prise me from the wood
    and somehow from me,
    grow windbreak branches.

    Separate fingers
    on horse chestnut trees,
    green digits spray-painted,
    diffused over old wood,
    & toxins curdled but firmly sealed,
    (figuratively falling)
    splayed and ready to break
    your fall--

    no winter injury
    in our decline,
    make me something--

    part my fingers
    and pull up my chin.
    I break out for you, again.

    Bursting, I dress for spring.

    Just a suggestion! :) I loved the intricate, web-like way you wrote this, the words you chose that made me think of an awakening. The title Scorch makes me think of Summer. Very fitting. All in all this is a nice job.
    | Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by metalnymph | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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