This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Scorch


Author: ellisa
Elite Ratio:    5.51 - 400 /415 /125
Words: 88
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1304
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 680



Description:




Scorch





Try harder

To prise me from the wood,
And somehow from me
Grow windbreak branches.
Separate fingers
On horse chestnut trees.
Green digits spray-painted,
Diffused over old wood,
Toxins curdled but firmly sealed,
<figuratively falling>
Splayed and ready to break
Your fall,
No winter injury.
In our decline
Make me something.

Part my fingers
And pull up my chin,
I break out for you, again,
Bursting,
I dress for spring.














Submitted on 2006-05-08 11:18:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Interesting. Made me instantly think of bursting, blooming, explosions. The second thing I noticed distracted me from this great write and that was the un-needed caps on most of your lines and also the < > marks, picky, sorry. But it was a little hard to read.

Try harder
to prise me from the wood
and somehow from me,
grow windbreak branches.

Separate fingers
on horse chestnut trees,
green digits spray-painted,
diffused over old wood,
& toxins curdled but firmly sealed,
(figuratively falling)
splayed and ready to break
your fall--

no winter injury
in our decline,
make me something--

part my fingers
and pull up my chin.
I break out for you, again.

Bursting, I dress for spring.

Just a suggestion! :) I loved the intricate, web-like way you wrote this, the words you chose that made me think of an awakening. The title Scorch makes me think of Summer. Very fitting. All in all this is a nice job.
PeAcE~**
| Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by metalnymph | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



102266