Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: cant you seedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DontLetGo421
    Elite Ratio:    2.18 - 118/238/141
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 371



    Description:
       hate poem


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscant you seedots
    -------------------------------------------


    cant you see
    i want you gone
    cant you see
    you've done everything wrong
    cant you see
    i dont care anymore
    cant you see
    your just a whiny little whore
    cant you see
    ive moved on
    cant you see
    life goes on
    cant you see
    i hate your being
    cant you see
    what i am seeing




    Submitted on 2006-05-09 14:43:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow, i like anger its a strong solid real emotion but in this piece its a vent not a poem...i like the realness of how i know what your talking about cause we've all been there but i think perhaps you could put in somemore feeling and emotion so your reader gets anger with you or whatever...emotions make us human and will slowly kill us...so don't hold back...
    | Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by suicidalacts72 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok,Ok,Ok. So you do have have some skill, forgive me for my insolence oh powerful one?!?!
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by Silenced poet | [ Reply to This ]
      An interesting write. The rhyme was fair and the rhythm was okay. Didn't seemed at all forced at least how I read it. The only thing I could say about this is add some caps would make the write stand out so much more.

    Maybe something like this


    Can't you see
    I want you gone
    Can't you see
    You've done everything wrong
    Can't you see
    I don't care anymore
    Can't you see
    Your just a whiny little whore
    Can't you see
    I've moved on
    Can't you see
    Life goes on
    Can't you see
    I hate your being
    Can't you see
    What I am seeing.

    Just a suggestion you don't have to flow it if you don't want to.

    Keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and god bless. Thanks so much for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    102461

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry