cant you see -------------------------------------------
cant you see
i want you gone
cant you see
you've done everything wrong
cant you see
i dont care anymore
cant you see
your just a whiny little whore
cant you see
ive moved on
cant you see
life goes on
cant you see
i hate your being
cant you see
what i am seeing
wow, i like anger its a strong solid real emotion but in this piece its a vent not a poem...i like the realness of how i know what your talking about cause we've all been there but i think perhaps you could put in somemore feeling and emotion so your reader gets anger with you or whatever...emotions make us human and will slowly kill us...so don't hold back...
An interesting write. The rhyme was fair and the rhythm was okay. Didn't seemed at all forced at least how I read it. The only thing I could say about this is add some caps would make the write stand out so much more.
Maybe something like this
Can't you see I want you gone Can't you see You've done everything wrong Can't you see I don't care anymore Can't you see Your just a whiny little whore Can't you see I've moved on Can't you see Life goes on Can't you see I hate your being Can't you see What I am seeing.
Just a suggestion you don't have to flow it if you don't want to.
Keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and god bless. Thanks so much for sharing.
Submission Name: cant you see
