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    dots Submission Name: cant you seedots

    Author: DontLetGo421
    Elite Ratio:    2.18 - 118/238/141
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 371

       hate poem

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscant you seedots

    cant you see
    i want you gone
    cant you see
    you've done everything wrong
    cant you see
    i dont care anymore
    cant you see
    your just a whiny little whore
    cant you see
    ive moved on
    cant you see
    life goes on
    cant you see
    i hate your being
    cant you see
    what i am seeing

    Submitted on 2006-05-09 14:43:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow, i like anger its a strong solid real emotion but in this piece its a vent not a poem...i like the realness of how i know what your talking about cause we've all been there but i think perhaps you could put in somemore feeling and emotion so your reader gets anger with you or whatever...emotions make us human and will slowly kill us...so don't hold back...
    | Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by suicidalacts72 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok,Ok,Ok. So you do have have some skill, forgive me for my insolence oh powerful one?!?!
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by Silenced poet | [ Reply to This ]
      An interesting write. The rhyme was fair and the rhythm was okay. Didn't seemed at all forced at least how I read it. The only thing I could say about this is add some caps would make the write stand out so much more.

    Maybe something like this

    Can't you see
    I want you gone
    Can't you see
    You've done everything wrong
    Can't you see
    I don't care anymore
    Can't you see
    Your just a whiny little whore
    Can't you see
    I've moved on
    Can't you see
    Life goes on
    Can't you see
    I hate your being
    Can't you see
    What I am seeing.

    Just a suggestion you don't have to flow it if you don't want to.

    Keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and god bless. Thanks so much for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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