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Within this night


Author: Nessus
Elite Ratio:    2.44 - 3 /10 /6
Words: 120
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1000
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 827



Description:




Within this night




Here within this onyx night
Pours the moon's enchanting light
Upon his pale translucent form
Slain by this his evening storm

His skin a pure and gleaming white
Torn and stained by his long fight
No one left by him to mourn
The death of one so newly born

Killed by the most familiar hand
For reasons we don't understand
Cloaked within this onyx night
Bathed in moon's absolving light

Free from all of life's frustration
Released by his annihilation
Lay a man we never knew
Who never loved and never grew

Stolen by the hands of death
Having heaved his final breath
Laying here in silver light
Swaddled by this onyx night





Submitted on 2006-05-09 18:46:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Wow.. I love the flow in this. A common structure in poetry but you make it so fun to read. I absolutely enjoyed this to the end. Great rhyme and your ability to tell the story through out the piece so clearly is a real talent.

"Here within this onyx night
Pours the moon's enchanting light
Upon his pale translucent form
Slain by this his evening storm"

What a magnificent stanza, almost too great. It would seem, for most people, the rest of the poem would be dwarved next to it, but you follow up with such great writing. My favourite part was:

"Free from all of life's frustration
Released by his annihilation
Lay a man we never knew
Who never loved and never grew"

Great, truly great work.. I will definately read more and I'm tempted to add this to my faves. I'll check out more of your work when I get a chance but, if it's anything like this you've got a fan. I have some suggestions, but nothing can really be improved in this poem. Thanks for sharing!
| Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by heartlessname | [ Reply to This ]


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