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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Watch Them Diedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Black-Wall
    ASL Info:    19 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 60/85/48
    Words: 371
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 170
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 2119



    Description:
       Very well spoken.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWatch Them Diedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Children believe what they see and watch as they watch the fading sun grow old.
    Could they be told that here where they lay, will someday be dug up and made a grave.
    A shallow gleam in their eyes makes it alright.
    The clock once said death and life will soon intertwine.
    A lust that has come true.
    Here for the ending, in their pale eyes once more.
    Leave them in this world to die.

    Watch them die, watch as they burn alive.
    Oh Shepard with your cane, hooked to the thought and a smile that pained your face.
    A hand to give them grace has also given them pain.
    A smile that openly stares.
    Watch them die, watch as they burn alive.
    Shepard with your cane, lure into hell.

    The old will see only what they believe to be.
    Blind to the truth, justice spoke in their ears of deception and lies.
    Delusions of ignorance wrapped in a false word called experience.
    How can you see, how can you believe what is only there to see.
    When you hold up the hook, does it graze past your eyes, maybe opening up a world to the fictions lies?
    It was a black wall pulled over your eyes.

    Watch them die, watch as they burn alive.
    Oh Shepard with your cane, hooked to the thought and a smile that pained your face.
    A hand to give them grace has also given them pain.
    A smile that openly stares.
    Watch them die, watch as they burn alive.
    Shepard with your cane, lure into hell.

    Was it to be that we are to be nothing but breaking waves in the tide of life?
    Pulled down and beat alive, by our own realization, truth comes in you way.
    Through hatred.
    We see the sight that we are blind to fight against, just killing time and waiting for this world to swallow us up so black so vile.
    It was just another plea for life, just fighting now ill be such a waste of time.
    Waste of time.
    Hold your hand out.
    Open your eyes.
    The truth will be told.
    As we watch them die.




    Submitted on 2006-05-09 21:14:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey! That was really good. Unfortunately I don't have any words of constructive criticism to help you out, as I do like it as is;however I do have my personal thoughts to share. The very beginning there's a line that states, 'children believe what they see', and I've always felt that children hold something (alot like innocence) that makes it possible for them to actually 'see what they believe' more or less. Call it their gullible minds, or trusting nature, children can see worlds of any kind because of what they believe... The thoughts of reality doesn't come to us until we're older and our faith, shrunken. (And with lack of faith comes the first beliefs that there really is no meaning to life...)
    Well, anyway, I didn't mean to get so caught up in just one part of the poem; but I think that's one of the better things about your poem. There are so many parts to think about, whether it be thinking with people or just thinking within yourself. Excellent job!
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this poem you combined childish innocence with death... the old with the new if you will... i liked how you described the sunset in the biginning of the peice... it was not to long which is something i have beenseeing alot latley, long and wordy grrr... drives me crazy...
    any how very good...
    Love and Light
    Archer
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by Archer | [ Reply to This ]



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