A Painting of The Sea -------------------------------------------
I’m not drowning
I am swimming
The sky himself told me so
I’m not losing
I am winning
The look of losers let’s me know
Don’t jump the gun
the bullets far too fast for me
My armors not on
it must be away getting cleaned
Don’t jump free fall
For free for alls of make believe
My bungee just binged
But I just might be saved by the sea
I am drowning
I’m not swimming
I tried so hard myself to row
I am losing
I’m not winning
Pedestal winners lost me low
Don’t jump the gun
The bullets far to fast for me
I can’t out run
A smear made into a streak
Don’t jump free fall
Pay the price when you fall down
I don’t want a free for all
So I’ll try a little slow for now
i’m not drowning
I’m not swimming
I’m just sitting on a lovely beach
I’m not losing
I’m not winning
There’s no finish line I must reach
I won’t jump the gun
Until my armor shines like pure
No bullets in my boredom
so i don't need castles for yours
But I can not paint
Ugly smears with lovely streaks
My canvas is blank
I’ll dip my brush out here in the sea
I just don’t know
I just don’t know
Which layer to believe
I just don’t care
I just don’t care
Color out and in between
Hey this piece was really nice, You know what first caught my eye was the title. It was very creative and I wanted to know more and the reason why you named your piece this. As I read it, I couldnt help but feel that this was more a song than a poem your words are so poetic and yet they hold so much thoughts. As I was reading your poem you made me look at things in a different light. When you said Im not drowning im swimming I kept thinking that to someone who is not living what you are living their perspective is way different than yours because they although they can see what is going on they cant experience it completly. Your style of writing is very unique and I love that as you continue you flip the poem from drowning to swimming and swimming to drowning. Not only that your poem has a feel of liberation and freedom, that I can just imagine what is going on, even to the extent of feeling what the person in the poem is feeling.
i like this im sorry... im gonna have to find a new way to start comments to you... i feel like ive been telling you i like you all night (when really its more than like lol)
the way you mess with the same ideas in this piece... the way you contort and distort them is brilliant.
its like you have the same words but sequenced differently creating a whole new feel each time... i cant describe it (though i prolly dont have to coz im guessing since you wrote it you know what you did...)
there seems to be such denial in this piece... denial of reality and your place in it... denial of the way the world works... denial that theres anything wrong...
drowning swimming losing winning jumping the gun... the whole piece has a vague resemblence of a modent mouse song in my head right now... blame it on the tetons... yeah...
I just don’t know I just don’t know Which layer to believe
I just don’t care I just don’t care Color out and in between
this ending is beautifully haunting... the layers of belief run deep and this piece shows that but theres also an idea in my head about layers in art... since you are painting be it with smears or lovely streaks... i once watched how they date art by looking at the different layers of paint and the techniques with which they were applied to find a time period for the work and perhaps even a name of an artist... perhaps this is your signiture of your pieces and when you look back upon them one day after layers and layers of words have been written over them you will have yourself some kind of definitive moment or point of realisation or something... maybe its gonna be when life doesnt suck so much and you read this and realise "we've come a long way since then..." i dont know why im saying any of this... i need to give you hope somehow...
this reminds me of the whole battle of The Glass Is Half Full or Half Empty type thing. first you convince yourself you're not drowning, you're swimming...then you convince yourself you are drowning, then go to you're not drowning nor swimming, and the same with the whole winning/losing thing. then pretty much at the end you dont know which one to believe in...thats what i got from it anyway.
i think what i really like about this is the fact that it's like you keep stating what you're trying to convince yourself of ...not questioning which it is. like I Am Not Drowing...i can just imagine one repeating that in their head to convince themself..
Submission Name: A Painting of The Sea
