Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Leviathandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 931
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1342



    Description:
       Work in progress


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLeviathandots
    -------------------------------------------


    Monstrous worm
    dwelling in my inner pool
    awake.

    Feel the foreboding
    presence in essences
    of twists and turns
    and thrashing splashes
    that lap and spill
    over the side of a square.

    Self-contained.
    Merely illusionary
    for chaos
    cannot be mastered
    can it?

    As I enter dark, chilling water
    a spikelled, pre-historic head rises
    and a scaley muscled, whipend
    whaps and slaps, swiping
    children aside like
    flies swatted by a horse's tail.

    The creature evades me
    leaving waters for land.
    Three doors offer limited choice
    exit stage right
    it rages unchartered corridors
    and I flee.

    Back to the water
    I come stage left
    as the creature
    re-enters and rears its head at me.

    I stand in authority
    and I point my magic finger
    "STOP!"

    and it does.

    Into it's eyes I look fully
    and order
    "STOP".

    and it shrinks.

    All manner of beasts are shown
    as from beast to beast it shrinks
    to a mere worm
    and re-enters the pool.

    Leviathan has me not.





    Submitted on 2006-05-10 06:27:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It sounds like to me this person refuses to allow his or her demons to control or devour them in life. The use of Leviathan is a great ananlogy. Here is a monster that is deadly and hard to spot taunting this person outright and the peron takes control of the sitiuation and thier life by putting a stop to any damage doen to them. The fact the person had faith in themselves and would not allow the beast to ruin them shwows the person has tremendous inner strenght. This was very good. I'm not sure what you would add to this, it seems fine as is to me. Great work!

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    102567

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Promise written by annie0888
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Linger written by saartha
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    To written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Bond written by saartha
    Giving written by jjd
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry