Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Leviathandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 865
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1342



    Description:
       Work in progress


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLeviathandots
    -------------------------------------------


    Monstrous worm
    dwelling in my inner pool
    awake.

    Feel the foreboding
    presence in essences
    of twists and turns
    and thrashing splashes
    that lap and spill
    over the side of a square.

    Self-contained.
    Merely illusionary
    for chaos
    cannot be mastered
    can it?

    As I enter dark, chilling water
    a spikelled, pre-historic head rises
    and a scaley muscled, whipend
    whaps and slaps, swiping
    children aside like
    flies swatted by a horse's tail.

    The creature evades me
    leaving waters for land.
    Three doors offer limited choice
    exit stage right
    it rages unchartered corridors
    and I flee.

    Back to the water
    I come stage left
    as the creature
    re-enters and rears its head at me.

    I stand in authority
    and I point my magic finger
    "STOP!"

    and it does.

    Into it's eyes I look fully
    and order
    "STOP".

    and it shrinks.

    All manner of beasts are shown
    as from beast to beast it shrinks
    to a mere worm
    and re-enters the pool.

    Leviathan has me not.





    Submitted on 2006-05-10 06:27:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It sounds like to me this person refuses to allow his or her demons to control or devour them in life. The use of Leviathan is a great ananlogy. Here is a monster that is deadly and hard to spot taunting this person outright and the peron takes control of the sitiuation and thier life by putting a stop to any damage doen to them. The fact the person had faith in themselves and would not allow the beast to ruin them shwows the person has tremendous inner strenght. This was very good. I'm not sure what you would add to this, it seems fine as is to me. Great work!

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    102567

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry