Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Taken awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: totojane03
    ASL Info:    25- colorado springs
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 151/77/35
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 973
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 955



    Description:
       My daughter was taken from me 4 days after she was born.It was set up, by my ex-husbeand and his parents.
    I miss her alot,and wish It would'nt have ever happened.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTaken awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have a feeling that is so deep,
    And it is with me in my dreams,
    No one can take it from me
    when I am asleep,
    So many memories are stored preously,

    In my arms I may never hold you again,
    But you are my daughter,
    My hopes are going to be high,
    Even if I die trying and trying again,

    You are a gift from God,
    Under his shelter and wings,
    But my heart is crying child of mine,
    As it sings,

    Wishing all that had happened was,
    Just another bad dream,
    That I had known you more the four days,
    and that I knew your father was going
    to set me up and get you taken from me,

    My daughter, my baby,
    You'll always be with me in my dream of
    dreams,
    I will pray one day,
    You will know the truth,
    And belive my words when I
    say"I have always loved you".




    Submitted on 2006-05-10 15:18:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, this is like my poem "Letter from Dad"..I just wanted to channel my feelings on paper regarding my dad having alzheimers. This was a heartfelt expression of love. Very nice.
    | Posted on 2009-09-10 00:00:00 | by Cayman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is sooo sad. I think that if a mother feels this way about a child being taken from her then she shouldnt of been taken from her at all. I am so sorry for this. This hits my heart hard. Not that Ive ever had a child taken from me but if I had I dont think I would know what to do.

    The poem itself: The structure was a bit off and rhyming was all over the place but that doesnt really matter.

    Good Job. I loved it!

    <3 Adalae
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ugh, that's horrible. I'm sorry that something so horrible happened to you, and I hope that you're reunited one day. Your ex-husband and ex-in-laws will get this back in this life or the next. I'd prefer "I may never hold you in my arms again" to "In my arms I may never hold you again" because I think inverted sentences sound old-fashioned. I'm not sure whether "preously" should be preciously, previously, or something else. You also need a space between say and the quotation in the last line.

    Hugs,
    Amy

    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    102660

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Genesis written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Stretto written by saartha
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Incubus written by monad
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry