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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Frances The Mutedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JetPilot
    ASL Info:    18/m/ont
    Elite Ratio:    4.37 - 46/30/15
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1205
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1164



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFrances The Mutedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Frances The Mute.

    It was the worse way to decide. The thickening plot of a unfiltered situation was brewing up something terrifying.She braced her head against her shoulders and crept forward onto the stage. She was already wound up in barbed wire mess. It wasnít as though this was considered a unorthodox performance, they had all straightened there spines and stood up-rite the best they could, but the possibility of immortality was to intense to pass up anyways. In the crowd there were cutout faces, and under the spot light, there was a white hole drilled in the vacant darkness, she decided to test its depth. Her words trembled and smashed open into the silence. ďIím sorry... I wish I could change what I have changed, and I wish I could re-write our upcoming history, I havenít been able to face these thoughts in which I am confined. Please forgive me.Ē The words cut the air like diamonds, and only left emptiness for everyone to breath. There was no emotion in the paper mouths tonight. Sure they could hear her, but the fact of the matter is no one cared enough to blink at the fragile figure standing solitary on her nest of crows.




    Submitted on 2006-05-10 18:02:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yeah, very very nice. But there were typos. And even though I liked it, I dont think I can really understand it. Im scared that Ill fall miserably short of what you wanted to say, so Ill keep my explanations to myself. But that was wonderful. Good read all through. And maybe its because the message is hard to deliver that the read is so beautiful. take care.
    | Posted on 2006-05-26 00:00:00 | by fiery whisper | [ Reply to This ]
      very good use of vocabulary. however, you fall very short in grammatical errors. such as:
    worse, in that sentence should be worst

    The thickening plot of a unfiltered situation
    a should be "an"

    i like how you chose not to put this poem into stanzas because it wouldn't have seemed right.

    like Graeme said, its making a common statement very different in a good way.
    awesome work
    muchlove-ash
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by DanceADream | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, what an interesting little piece you've written here. Very, very different from the normal es offerings, and apart from quite a few spelling typos, I found it impeccable, if a bit enigmatic (which isn't a bad thing).

    I've read it four times now, and I'm still wondering whether the clue is in the title or the write...

    I'll read it a few more times.

    Well done for making a social statement in a pleasingly different way.

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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