[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Primal Urgesdots

    Author: Rastine Aristat
    ASL Info:    19/Male/California
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 125/62/31
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1157
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 845

       Ok, this one is blunt and to the point, and not so pretty as the sorts of words I usually like to use, but they leave the sort of bitter rage taste in my own mouth when I think them, which was what I was feeling when I wrote it(also about a month ago.)<Also, if there are any rules about multiple simultaneous posts that I don't know about would somebody let me know, since I've never done it...thanks> Anyhow, as always be honest.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPrimal Urgesdots

    Give me a woman,
    With whom to share my bed.
    And a happy man I値l be.
    Give me a cunt
    And a pretty face to look at
    And I値l stay there until I get bored
    Give me a puppet,
    Who bends to my commands,
    Or I swear
    I値l turn my lust to the innocent.
    Give me a warm place
    To stick my dick
    And never will I realize
    That I知 hollow inside

    Give me a foe,
    Something to conquer,
    And never shall I want.
    Give me an assailant,
    Whose blood I may spill
    One who is as drunk as I.
    Give me an outlet,
    An unwilling sacrifice to rage
    Or I swear
    I値l turn my rage to those I love.
    Give me a body
    To beat until dawn
    And never will I realize
    That I知 hollow inside.

    Submitted on 2006-05-10 18:27:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      haha lol the title really did say enough, horny much? wow I'm actually impressed, a part of this from what I got was really putting yourself down....but if nothing else that compliments your intellegance...that you can see that what you are doing/want to do doesn't really make you anymore complete but is more of a distraction. This was definatly to the point but I kinda liked that, you didn't waste your time making it sound pretty, you just said what you wanted to. hmmmm do you want a one night stand that actually means something? I'm not totally sure but I kinda got a slight "me-against-the-world" feeling here. anyway good write I actually really liked something about this one that I can't totally point out.
    ~take care,
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      The connection between the poem and the title is simply excellent. Primal Urges...so..so *ROAR*... sorry about that don't know what came over me.

    I really like how blunt this was, how in your face and all that. Sounded the very basic instincts of a primitive man or who is to say, modern man.

    I enjoyed this. I don't see anything I would change. Keep it up.

    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      I say you are very horny my friend. This was graphic. I enjoyed it though. I sesne you want love or sex without the frills or games that come with it. Nice work. I liked the bluntness of this very much. You are on to something with this type of writing.

    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      To be filled with lust and rage and wish to take out both upon. Hmm...a woman is in need as you say, but what if that woman whom your lust grows is that of your assailant or the sacrifice that must be made? Would you still be willing to sacrifice that one even if there is something that may change your mind from that lust you have for her?

    ~Shakes his head lightly~ Yeah, don't mind me. That's just my mind working in odd ways. But anyways, your poem. It can be seen in it of the want and desire to do two things that have been known to be of great sins in the world. Lust and Taking Another's Life. Two sins in practically any religion or society, to where both can be punishable, or not at all. And even though you speak so highly of these throughout your poem, it only makes your craving for each grow and grow, and eventually could consume you to do something you hope not to.

    Blah! Me and my damn mind working again. Well, what can I say? Its what I thought about when I read this poem, that's all. Anyways, I must be off now, so I'll take my leave. Farewell. ~Bows lightly~

    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by Noreu Hotishima | [ Reply to This ]
      If you really want a cunt you better start saving gender reassignment surgery is very expensive jk/. Alright this is a bit crude but there are no illusion in it it's honest and i respect that. Preying on the weakness of others because we ourselves feel insufficient and it's easier to project than reflect. These sort of things occur far too often in the world. peace
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This is a really aggressive kinda poem. It starts out with some serious desire for a woman and then move on to wanting an enemy to take out your rage on. Very interesting and I like the aggressiveness of this. I am not sure I agree with some of what you said in the first stanza, primarily because I am a woman, and I dont think any man should want a puppet. How boring. A strong independent woman is much more of a challenge...ok...I will not go on and on about that hee hee! But, overall, I do like the aggressive nature of this and yeah, very very blunt indeed. Sometimes blunt is good though. Clear and concise without all the bull[censored] isnt a bad thing. Very strong write. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]