Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Jessica, I rememberdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokenmuse
    ASL Info:    26/F/AL
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 756/734/161
    Words: 250
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 963
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1574



    Description:
       a cathartic vent/ode to my exgirlfriend, and the only girl I dated that I really ever fell in love with.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJessica, I rememberdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I still remember
    how you looked
    on the wood of the seat
    sitting below, but looking
    up, admiring, at me
    how the sun hit the
    flaxen spun gold of your locks
    how your eyes shined bright
    when they looked into mine
    the way your face lit up
    when you opened up
    the fuzzy little white teddy bear
    how you gleamed when you
    saw the anklet, carefully chosen
    a months worth of allowance
    to see the sheen in the face
    to get sweet kisses from
    an innocent first love

    I still remember how
    it felt when I knew
    that the two of us
    were through
    the way the gleam went
    away, hidden behind tears
    and unspoken mistrust
    how it felt to hear you talk
    so much about her, Jamie
    how her hair was blue
    and she was "so cute"
    the time when she stood
    naked in your bedroom
    a place I didn't see at all
    when you were with me

    I still remember how
    my heart stopped when
    I reached the only descision
    that anyone could, given the hurt
    how it felt like the world was ending
    the cold space between us
    when you reached in for a hug
    god, sometimes I almost wished
    that I hadn't met you
    now I bang out these words
    with awkward hands and tongue-tied brain
    and I think about all the happiness
    and that maybe, just maybe
    you were worth every bit of the pain




    Submitted on 2006-05-11 03:10:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Perfection...this one captured my heart, my mind, the textures, the bear fur, the cold gold anklet, the shine of the mirror, the way i pivcture someone's bedroom that i have not seen, (much as the heart is pictured) I felt the emotion, honest and measured out in strictness appraisal, accepting and not dening or judging...beautiful...when I like somwthing, I often project myself into it and say "how would I say this..or that line of words means this..but this has all the richness, the meter reflects the deeper layers this plunges stanza by stanza into and the last lines are like a swimmer breaking the surface of the water after a deep plunge and taking that first needed gasp of air...

    steve
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
      WoW! So heart rending. You can feel the pain and dissapointment in every word. The last verse is my favorite, How it all comes together. Sadly it usually takes a heartache of somekind to bring out the passion in peopls words. I look at it this way ...if nothing else you atlease got a good poem out of it. Im sorry for your hurt....

    AL
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    102750

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Expectations written by taintedsmiles
    not alone written by Daniel Barlow
    I am a sorry son. written by MyPeriodical
    Blues written by TheStillSilence
    Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
    Mei written by Chelebel
    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    MY VERY OWN DEATH written by Ethan Brody
    Untitled written by taintedsmiles
    written by Daniel Barlow
    HeroĆ­na written by MyPeriodical
    In God's Name written by poetotoe
    The Veil written by Swimming Bird
    Meditations one written by MyPeriodical
    Behest written by Daniel Barlow
    Human Progression written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Release written by robbie
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Their fine denial written by MyPeriodical
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    Challenge - Msg to a Mountain Lynx written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry