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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cliche.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JetPilot
    ASL Info:    18/m/ont
    Elite Ratio:    4.37 - 46/30/15
    Words: 210
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1241
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1062



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCliche.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm going to take the biggest step back
    and spit out images as far as I ever have.
    Now let's take a look at what the mess has
    turned out to be. If any one could see a
    resemblance of anything in this wad of shit,
    I'd be more then grateful for you to point it out. So point your finger down toward the ground, draw objects with air, and like you used to do with clouds, tell me what you see. You know what I see? I see the same old bull shit I have the last ten times I have choked on your lies. I know this is getting really cliché, but I like the famliriaraity of it, the
    comfort of knowing everytime I want a good arguement, all I have to do is mention your name in a tone you don't approve of. I'm spitting all this at you, sweet heart.
    All this typical, over used bull shit is all for you! Are you proud that you will always have your hands around my neck! Do you understand what you are doing to me? of
    coarse you do... You have been trying to kill me for over 2 years.




    Submitted on 2006-05-11 06:48:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is pretty good
    You speak truth
    When we fight with our soulmate or argue it does wear down on us and leave an empty spot inside
    This is the time we really have to search hard for the positive
    The positive will carry you thru these downfalls
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is like a brick in the face.
    It's like, whoa. Let's look at what's going on here. there are angry vibes in here, and the peaceful mantra side of me wants to turn away, but the sadistic and suicidal side want to keep on reading!
    But this is what got me:
    " the
    comfort of knowing everytime I want a good arguement, all I have to do is mention your name in a tone you don't approve of. I'm spitting all this at you, sweet heart.
    All this typical, over used bull [censored] is all for you! Are you proud that you will always have your hands around my neck!"
    Thanks,
    Silence
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by lebeauvide | [ Reply to This ]
      It seem like you were angry when you wrote this poem. The wording was rather intense and blunt. Both triat I like in a write. I would only suggest that you revise the flow here or structure this where it reads much better for the reader. Overall, this was good.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      i cant make this long, because i have to go. i like the ideas you are trying to get through but i think they could be said in a more effective way. sometimes your lines dont break where it seems fit. i think you should re read this, and fix the poems lines so that it flows better. it could make all the difference.
    muchlove-ash
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by DanceADream | [ Reply to This ]
      This is cool, I love how you acknowledge that what your writing about is over done, cliché and all that. It makes your piece not so cliché and more original.

    This poem is very bitter and rage filled.

    Nice job
    Lia
    | Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]


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