Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pieces of Yesterdaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LoveToHateMe
    ASL Info:    20/girl/Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.61 - 175/148/42
    Words: 210
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1120
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1361



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPieces of Yesterdaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Looking out this stained glass window,
    it blurs while the colors start to run.
    Smothering me in darkness,
    blocking out the sun.

    This is the longest center aisle,
    Just to walk to say goodbye?
    I canít see where I am going
    Acidís burning in my eyes.

    Itís painful sitting in these pews,
    Iím being crushed beneath this cross.
    The hardest sound for me to hear,
    is this stranger speaking of my loss.

    If they would all just stop talking,
    Iíd wish for one more day.
    If I could wish for anything,
    Iíd make it all just fade away.

    But nothing can change whatís real
    or whatís haunting me now at the door.
    I relive it all with these words
    that I could never say before.

    Now Iím back in this grave
    where I tried to sleep it all away.
    The brighter side is overrated
    and every color's black and gray.

    Just like the ink that writes the words
    smeared once again across my face.
    Telling the story in my reflection,
    I've already seen the mirror break.

    Now what lies in every piece of glass
    cuts me up everyday inside.
    Sometimes the pieces never come together,
    after someone you love dies.




    Submitted on 2006-05-11 12:21:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hello friend.

    If you keep writting stuff this sad i may have to cut your hands off. (exaggeration... maybe.) Your glorious poetry always makes me so sad. Why are you so sad?

    I like all the metaphors you used for crying and tears (at least that's what i think they're about...), very creative. This one is my favorite.
    "Looking out this stained glass window,
    it blurs and the colors start to run."

    Because of all the time i've spent at funerals lately, I'm going to tell you... well, what the lines made me think we i read them.

    "Itís painful sitting in these pews"
    Pews should be padded.

    "The hardest sound for me to hear
    is this stranger speaking of my loss."
    Stupid f***ing preist.

    "I wish they would all just stop talking"
    especially my aunt, she never shuts up! stupid drunk...

    "But nothing can change whatís real
    and reality's haunting me at the coffin door"
    This has to be my favorite part. I can relate to it so much it's disturbing. Whenever someone dies, it's like i don't actually function that the person is dead until i see that damn coffin. Coffins freak me out...

    Anyway, i was avoiding this poem for awhile cause i figured it would make me cry. I decided to read it now cause i thought i was more stable then i had been recently. While i didn't make me cry, i definately brought me down a bit.

    You're super awesome.

    Your devoted croony,
    -Kate
    | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      "Just like the ink that writes the words
    that smear along my face,
    telling the story in my reflection."

    That is awesome.
    I'm sorry to comment again lol but I loooooooove this. You have the most wonderful way with words.
    You know how if you read something enough, it doesnt really make you as sad anymore... cause youre just used to it? Well I must say, I read this all the time, and it still makes me sad and i love it just as much as I did the first time.
    Oooooooo you're good.


    Byee Samm

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-05-20 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      "The hardest sound for me to hear
    is this stranger speaking of my loss."

    I absolutely loved these lines i think because they ring too true for me or my supposed loss, i think its the reason why i am not so enthusiastic about going to church much more you know.

    Later,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      strong religious tones. puts me right in the catholic pews as I read the words. The rhyme scheme sort of works for me, dont know, personal preference, i would prefer to read this a ina prose style.

    I like the line about the longest center aisle, but the line about acid in your eyes, although a great image for the pain, seems out of place amongst the rest of the narrative.

    A good write here. it is definitely a world of emotions when dealing with death.

    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by googie | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well written. I love your metaphors:
    "but I canít see where I am going
    the acidís burning in my eyes."

    "I've already seen the mirror break/
    Now what lies in every piece of glass
    cuts me up everyday inside."

    "The hardest sound for me to hear
    is this stranger speaking of my loss."

    This is perfect. It's vague enough that you could be referring to your death or another's. It's also clear enough to be strong.
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by Donne Rogue | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very unique... and sad. I like the impression I got with this, and that is: Not only has someone died, but you have died inside from losing this person. Either that or you're giving your perspective of your own funeral. I like this poem a lot, it's very well written!!

    -x- Candie
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your username. It seems that pain is the only thing that assures us that we are alive so we put ourselves through as much pain as possible just to feel, to feel anything that will let us know that we are alive. I also like that you admit to "borrowing" a title from someone. I have done this many times before. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to come up with anything original and besides the title does fit the poem, so I just think it was meant to be. Sometimes even the title that I use for my poems inspired the poem itself. ( I love the Used)

    Looking out this stained glass window,
    it blurs and the colors start to run.
    Smothering me in darkness
    with the blocking of the sun.

    It is a bit confusing in the beginning. I have no idea what you are talking about. But it does intrigue me because I want to continue to read the poem. I like the imagery set here, The stained glass window reminds me of the rose colored glasses that blind us everyday. You know its funny how many of us are afraid of darkness yet we live in it every day because in one form or another we are all blinded.

    This is the longest center aisle,
    I'm supposed to walk to say goodbye,
    but I canít see where I am going
    the acidís burning in my eyes.

    Again nice imagery. Acid, ouch. I can imagine the pain. Funny how one word can be used to describe such a feeling.

    Itís painful sitting in these pews,
    Iím being crushed beneath this cross.
    The hardest sound for me to hear
    is this stranger speaking of my loss.

    Favorite sentence Iím being crushed beneath this cross. The burden that we must all carry. The cross that seems too much to bear. It seems to devour us, to eat us completely. No matter how hard we try we can never get rid of the burden. We are Atlas Shrugged. The burden has become too hard to bear. This has got to be my favorite stanza. Nice work. When speaking of pews I immediately think of a church and the questions that arise are that of God and of faith. I am agnostic and because of that I am lost and I am constantly trying to find direction for my faith.

    I wish they would all just stop talking.
    I wish I could go back to yesterday.
    If wishes could come true
    Iíd wish it would all just fade away.

    Its as if you are speaking the laments of my heart. The tears that come each night before I go to bed. The worries that torment my mind each day. Its all too much to bear. I do wish everything would just fade away. Can everyone leave? This is another great stanza.

    But nothing can change whatís real
    and reality's haunting me at the coffin door.
    I relive it all with these words
    that I could never say before.

    Remember that reality bends with desire and that whatever you wish can come true. Also remember the words of the great Mahatma Gandhi, everytime you go to sleep you die, but when you wake up you are reborn.

    Now Iím back in this grave
    where I tried to sleep it all away.
    The brighter side is overrated
    and every color's black and gray.

    What is there to say? Bravo!

    Just like the ink that writes the words
    that smear along my face,
    telling the story in my reflection.
    I've already seen the mirror break


    Now what lies in every piece of glass
    cuts me up everyday inside.
    Sometimes the pieces never come together,
    after someone you love dies.

    Bravo! I feel like crying now. How is it that you were able to write everything that my heart is currently feeling into such beautiful words. This was great.
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by Katrinagolden | [ Reply to This ]
      Sammmmm thats sad. I mean, I thought it was sad the last time I read it, but if I wasn't all medicated now, I woulda cried.

    OMG These [censored] pop-ups are driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I'm sorry I can't make this comment rediculously long like I want to. I've been fighting a losing battle with these pop-ups here.
    I just had to tell you how wonderful this is.

    You know I only put something on my favorites when I absolutely love it.

    The descriptions are awesome. I almost felt like I was there.
    You know, you just don't find great wording like that much anymore.

    I agree, the brighter side really is overrated.

    My favorite lines are:
    "But nothing can change whatís real
    and reality's haunting me at the coffin door."

    I don't know why I love that so much, but I really do.

    You have amazing amounts of talent.

    Beautifully done, Samm

    <3 Always
    Your prettiest and most talented fan haha
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    102795

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    True Death written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Giving written by jjd
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    The Promise written by annie0888
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry