[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: So amazingdots

    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 293
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Passion
    Total Views: 692
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 1718

       just writing. rough draft

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSo amazingdots

    verse #1
    It use to be 3:00 o'clock in the morning
    where I couldnít sleep
    everytime u came near me you made me so weak
    it was amazing how you knock me off my feet
    you made me so complete
    Now girl listen to me
    The touch you left behind made my mind intertwine.
    I'll be here for you when you need a friend
    now lets pertend
    If i did give u a kiss
    on those beutifull lips
    while my hand where slightly on your hips
    would things be different between u and I.
    wit u I didn't need to be fly
    I didn't need to throw up signs.
    I didn't need my crew
    it was just me and you
    between me and u
    your my only boo
    all I wanted to do please u
    i justed wanted make u happy
    from my bottom my heart is true

    Girl you know I love you
    Girl you know I care
    Girl you know your my everything and thatís why I will always be there.

    verse #2
    what i'm about to do is something i don't for any girl.
    i'm telling how i feel.

    The way u swung them hip
    the way licked them lips
    the way your grinding seem like your working for tips.
    Would get any guy doing flips
    I"ll like the way u kick it girl
    u know i like it when your in my world.
    your that one flower in the middle of the city that brings people a smile.

    Girl you know I love you
    Girl you know I care
    Girl you know your my everything and thatís why I will always be there.

    Submitted on 2006-05-11 15:10:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      well i do have to say it is a nice song, but a few of the lines remind me of other songs that i have all ready heard like on the radio, other then that i agree with the other two, spelling pun. but i don't need to say it all again, overall i liked it, now i see that you write a good amount about wanting and having a firl, is this a real girl you are writing these for or are you just using that viewpoint to write these?

    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
      Caps, punctuation, spell check and write out words... They're simple things, but they make poetry considerably easier to read.... Between that and the blatant grammatical errors, I couldn't get into this piece...

    Sorry to be so harsh... I have had good grammar ingrained into me forever and small mistakes don't bother me, but larger ones make me focus more on the grammar than on the writing...
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by Siberianhearts | [ Reply to This ]
      spell check .. beautiful... your.. you're... in the last line.... ok enough of that... hmm it would be intrestingto hear this with the music. but to just read the lyrics it sounds like everythingthat is out there now.. especially the lines
    The way u swung them hip
    the way licked them lips
    the way your grinding seem like your working for tips.
    and i keep hearing luthers song when I read the title.. but the line is there only ones...
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This written by Chelebel
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    To written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Incubus written by monad
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Giving written by jjd
    Push written by JanePlane
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]