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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Goddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Silenced poet
    ASL Info:    21/male/oregon
    Elite Ratio:    2.54 - 52/41/21
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 940
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 1045



    Description:
       I'm a total Athiest! and I had just gotten into a evolution debate and humanitys struggle for something to look forward to with a local clergyman. I needed to vent some more.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGoddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lord are you out ther,
    do you even exist.
    Bigshot motherfucker,
    Dan your makin me pissed.

    I once believed you were out there,
    wise and watching steady.
    Where were you to stop me,
    with knife clenched, breathing heavily.

    Where were you all those times,
    i needed a little light.
    Thought of death in my head,
    when my parents always fight.

    I read the Bible once or twice,
    to try and find some hope.
    All i found were contradictions,
    big words to help some cope.

    I once believed you were real,
    listening to me always.
    Fact ruled out the holy judgement,
    now i see the true way.

    You're a hoax, a scam,
    made for those for comfort.
    Explaining what is unknown,
    but your words taste just like dirt.

    So fuck you god, you phony,
    I hate your fucking guts.
    And if i ever meet you
    I'll shove your bible up your butt.




    Submitted on 2006-05-11 17:14:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I understand being angry and wanting to strike back at the person who is supposed to be all knowing and the creator of everything. Feeling like if he is so great then WHY? And I suppose this is a healthier way of doing such.
    I have felt that same f*(*k off feeling as I'm sure every other person on this earth has. So Kudos to you for saying it out loud and not whispered where no one else could here. but

    try not to lose faith, everything happens for a reason. .....just sometimes we don't get to see the up close personal explination for what that reason isl

    Well written and thought provoking,
    Keep up the good writing.
    | Posted on 2006-12-13 00:00:00 | by trynfinity | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I consider myself "Faithful" not really religous but w/e. I like the emotion a lot and it can get hard sometimes but the idea I think is that you have to meet him halfway "God" doesn't follow you you're supposed to follow him. But thats just my opinion lol the others seem to have some good advice. Well good write and I look forward to hearing some more... Anthony
    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by Kersofmia | [ Reply to This ]
      An interesting write. Normally I would never comment on something like this but something inside just compelled me to say something.

    This was a fair write but it could be better, you have some errors in this concerning grammar and such. I am going to copy this and fiddle with it a little and see where it goes.


    Lord are you out (ther),

    ( The word that I have in bracket as an 'e' missing from it, you should correct that.)
    do you even exist.

    Bigshot [censored],
    (Dan) (your) (makin) me pissed.

    ( I believe the 'D' word should be Damn and not Dan like you. And also the word making should have a 'g' at the end of it. Also the your should be you're.)

    I once believed you were out there,
    wise and watching steady.
    Where were you to stop me,
    with knife clenched, breathing heavily(.)

    ( You ended with a fullstop yet you asked a question. I felt it would be more appropriate if you used a question mark where I have placed the bracket.)

    Where were you all those times,
    (i) needed a little light(.)
    Thought of death in my head,
    when my parents always fight(.)

    ( When you use the letter 'i' by itself
    it is always capitalized. Also change those fullstops to question marks.)

    I read the Bible once or twice,
    to try and find some hope.
    All (i) found were contradictions,
    big words to help some cope.

    ( Again caps again)

    I once believed you were real,
    listening to me always.
    Fact ruled out the holy judgement,
    now (i) see the true way.
    ( Caps)

    You're a hoax, a scam,
    made for those for comfort.
    Explaining what is unknown,
    but your words taste just like dirt.

    So [censored] you (god), you phony,
    I hate your [censored] guts.
    And if (i) ever meet you
    I'll shove your bible up your butt.

    ( The word God should be caps, its a name regardless of the fact that you may not believe in Him, you should caps that for sake of grammar.)

    The end result should look sometime like this.

    Lord are you out there,
    do you even exist?
    Bigshot [censored],
    damn you're making me piss.

    I once believed you were out there,
    wise and watching steady.
    Where were you to stop me,
    with knife clenched, breathing heavily?

    Where were you all those times,
    I needed a little light?
    Thought of death in my head,
    when my parents always fight?

    I read the Bible once or twice,
    to try and find some hope.
    All i found were contradictions,
    big words to help some cope.

    I once believed you were real,
    listening to me always.
    Fact ruled out the holy judgement,
    now I see the true way.

    You're a hoax, a scam,
    made for those for comfort.
    Explaining what is unknown,
    but your words taste just like dirt.

    So [censored] you God, you phony,
    I hate your [censored] guts.
    And if I ever meet you
    I'll shove the Bible up your butt.

    I went even further and made some more corrections as I saw fit. These are only suggestions though and you don't have to follow then if you don't want to.

    Anyway, keep at it and good luck with your writing.

    Later.
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      it's good, but i'm religous...soooo

    but it has a good rhythm and definitely a strong, angry voice

    i did think the last line was funny, laughed for a titty bit
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by shmurr | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the basic idea of this poem and i can relate somtimes it feels like theres no hope for anything and y doesnt god intervene. and i think that in the end humanity really doesnt have anything to look forward to. everyone dies in the endless cycle of life and death!
    i think the last commenter caught all of your mistakes, and it isnt bad that there were alot its just that its distracting when reading! ^.^
    uh....and another thing i kno u were venting and all but i think you can say alot more by not using cuss words its kind of annoying and childish. and i kno how u feel god can be an asswhole sometimes.
    i really like these lines
    "Explaining what is unknown, but your words taste just like dirt."
    its interesting and kindof thought provoking!
    but yea ur poem needs polished a lil but other than that its awesome! keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by emb_er77 | [ Reply to This ]


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