Description: I wrote this one a while ago when I was going through my own form of "the Dark Ages." Taking a look at it now, it doesn't really appear to hold much meaning, but i guess it did before? I don't quit remember...Oh well. It's more along the lines of simply poetic...just to sound good I guess...I'm not really sure.
Anyways, let me know what you think of it. Do you like it? Do you hate it. What meaning could you possibly pluck from its rafters. I'd like to hear.
Any suggestions are welcome, any criticisms...just don't be mean people! Being mean is not nice. ...well DUH right?!?! wow. okay...just enjoy! ;-)
Right when i started reading this, it reminded me of some kind of fantasy/ middle age setting like lord of the rings. At first this sounded a lot like a scene of the aftermath of a big bloody massacre or battle. I like how you wrote this here
"disappearing to the dust of the dead left to rot.
bodies lie mangled across the feet of the driven."
This has that decaying feeling to it that really makes me feel as if i was walking past all these rotted corpses. I really liked those lines, because of their vividness and how descriptive they were. But then as i read the last line it kind of twisted the whole picture around. This really feels as if you're talking about your being or psyche/ mind and the result of some kind of traumatic event in the past. I liked that twist, it put meaning into this poem instead of just describing a battle scene. Nice job wit that
"darkness shines like the crystal tears crying from the skies.
let it take you away, let it take you away,
it whispers through the corridors of your narrowing mind.
feeling everything fade to a thin line (of) existence,
disappearing (in)to the dust of the dead left to rot.
bodies lie mangled across the feet of the driven.
by the hand of fear, they shall live and walk among those who
crave the very souls in which they bathe their hateful eyes.
envious deeds growing ever so green over top the graves of shallow hearts,
life is to them, what?
a mere speck in a timeline of age, buried in a ground of lies.
deceit is the place where my graces remain."
Based on the title, I expected this post to be a twisted mass of clichéd angst, but it's actually quite good and closing line is stunning. It appears (based on the tone of the write) that you've been burned by some malicious soul and left with precious little strength to recover your equilibrium. Your three-dimensional existence has flat lined in to two-dimensional depression as the post opens, and there is an overwhelming sense of dread prowling like a dog as the poem progresses. Talk about a crappy day!
If picked my nits in paretheses in the version above (just a few minor things), but my greatest nitpick might be the title. It just doesn't do justice to how well written this piece actually is.
Nightwish. That was the first thing I thought when I read this. It sounds a lot like something that would come out of a Nightwish song, and just to be clear that is a very good thing. It has a very dark gothic feel to it. I am not generally a dark and depressed type of person so it does not hold a lot of personal meaning to me but I have always been fascinated with the mystic sound of a good goth piece. That is why I am so obsessed with groups like Nightwish and After Forever. “deceit is the place where my graces remain.” is probably my favorite line from this one. ~ SonAsylum aka Aaron