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    dots Submission Name: Eyes Why'd Shutdots

    Author: wewak11
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 3436/3630/329
    Words: 214
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1107
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1386


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    dotsEyes Why'd Shutdots

    Derek drives dirigibles, each day at half past two,
    Tries to eke a living out, but luxuries are few,
    Every day with hopeful smile he soars into the blue,
    and children scream.

    Robert rides his racehorse, once a week he mounts again,
    Same old hard luck story, photo finish, number ten,
    Prancing in the mounting yard, he’ll catch the eyes of men,
    as girlfriends dream.

    Tanya tells her tales to all the regulars at Joe’s,
    Barmen bark out questions, just to test her, I suppose,
    Stories of the old days drowned in long and labored prose,
    and lagers cream.

    Pam has plans for paradise and buys her tickets - cash,
    Plummets from the platform hoping hard to make a splash,
    Burns up on descending, I help vacuum up the ash,
    as priests blaspheme.

    Jason jokes to Julie as she jiggles on his knee:
    “What if all the world were simply there for you and me?”
    “Oh!” she cries “I’d change my ways – but first I hafta pee!”
    and rain clouds teem.

    Gaelene gets her wish, is crowned “The Queen of Porcupines”
    Miming words of disco dirges, dressed up to the nines,
    Takes a dive in stardom as her agent cues her lines,
    but drowns midstream.

    Submitted on 2006-05-11 20:52:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Robert's name should be Rand, I think. Just because. I like finding new vocabulary words. Like dirge. didn't really like verse 5, but it was a funny read all together, with the alliteration and format.. the first two are my favourite.. have a good day, mr. greame, and peace.
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      I will use my mighty powers of intuition and try my best to deduce the meaning of this piece. *taking a deep breath now*
    Well, parts of this are funny, but in a satirical way. Overall, I get the feeling of not sadness, but emptiness perhaps?
    Either way, I like the form. Very original dear pirate. I just have no clue what it means.

    Travi :)
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      sounds like life. and several people I've known. including myself! you are truly gifted. and your poems are so much fun to read. I love the format of this one especially. what is it called?

    I think I am mostly the last one.
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      OMG this is too good a poem for me :))) It's like a Dostojevski piece in poetic style (and much much shorter ofcourse :)) ) - it provides a view of most of the modern society with their illusions and seemingly worthless little lifes struggling against the universe. You are a natural for rhythm 'n rhyme, might I say ;))

    Really liked it, needless to say..

    Be well
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by shoggoth | [ Reply to This ]

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