Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Eyes Why'd Shutdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wewak11
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 3436/3630/329
    Words: 214
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1029
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1386



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEyes Why'd Shutdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Derek drives dirigibles, each day at half past two,
    Tries to eke a living out, but luxuries are few,
    Every day with hopeful smile he soars into the blue,
    and children scream.

    Robert rides his racehorse, once a week he mounts again,
    Same old hard luck story, photo finish, number ten,
    Prancing in the mounting yard, he’ll catch the eyes of men,
    as girlfriends dream.

    Tanya tells her tales to all the regulars at Joe’s,
    Barmen bark out questions, just to test her, I suppose,
    Stories of the old days drowned in long and labored prose,
    and lagers cream.

    Pam has plans for paradise and buys her tickets - cash,
    Plummets from the platform hoping hard to make a splash,
    Burns up on descending, I help vacuum up the ash,
    as priests blaspheme.

    Jason jokes to Julie as she jiggles on his knee:
    “What if all the world were simply there for you and me?”
    “Oh!” she cries “I’d change my ways – but first I hafta pee!”
    and rain clouds teem.

    Gaelene gets her wish, is crowned “The Queen of Porcupines”
    Miming words of disco dirges, dressed up to the nines,
    Takes a dive in stardom as her agent cues her lines,
    but drowns midstream.





    Submitted on 2006-05-11 20:52:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Robert's name should be Rand, I think. Just because. I like finding new vocabulary words. Like dirge. didn't really like verse 5, but it was a funny read all together, with the alliteration and format.. the first two are my favourite.. have a good day, mr. greame, and peace.
    -rue
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      I will use my mighty powers of intuition and try my best to deduce the meaning of this piece. *taking a deep breath now*
    Well, parts of this are funny, but in a satirical way. Overall, I get the feeling of not sadness, but emptiness perhaps?
    Either way, I like the form. Very original dear pirate. I just have no clue what it means.

    Travi :)
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      sounds like life. and several people I've known. including myself! you are truly gifted. and your poems are so much fun to read. I love the format of this one especially. what is it called?

    I think I am mostly the last one.
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      OMG this is too good a poem for me :))) It's like a Dostojevski piece in poetic style (and much much shorter ofcourse :)) ) - it provides a view of most of the modern society with their illusions and seemingly worthless little lifes struggling against the universe. You are a natural for rhythm 'n rhyme, might I say ;))

    Really liked it, needless to say..

    Be well
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by shoggoth | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    102855

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Shi written by ShyOne
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Records I written by Raphael
    Dream written by closetpoet
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry