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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Dead Angeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Faith_Disease
    ASL Info:    17/M
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 278/141/29
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Poetry/You left me
    Total Views: 1394
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1260



    Description:
       Dont you hate it when someone you love says they love you back and the next thing you know, they're making out with another person. this might suck so tell me how to improve it. Some of you might find this disturbing so be careful.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Dead Angeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    White flesh, sweat flows.
    My love no longer feels the blows.
    Tears dripping; Eyes red,
    still yearning for the angels' dead.
    Bond shattered, blood spattered.
    Skin, once pure, now bruised and tattered.
    Night darkens, knees feeble,
    injecting guilt like rusted needles.

    Heart mourns, pure face.
    Arms wrap around one last embrace.
    Chest heavy, veins pound,
    her lips sewn shut; won't make a sound.
    Stop cheating! Stop breathing!
    Flames of fury burning, seething.
    Knife carving, blade scarring,
    Fiery embers of love keep charring.

    Wounds rot; skin pales.
    Sadistic train of thought derails.
    Soul poisoned, soul torn.
    Lifeless love; a bleeding thorn.
    Eyes flicker as I lick her,
    a basket eating up its wicker.
    Feet shuffle, while I suffer.
    Caress her neck, gently handcuff her.

    Mind screams, guilt soars.
    I drown upon life's savage shores.
    Prayers vanish, hope slain.
    Agony-infected brain.
    Silence rings, remorse clings.
    A glowing angel without wings.
    Sweet dreams, my dead lover.
    I killed because you had another




    Submitted on 2006-05-11 22:25:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yo this was kick ass dude. not bad not bad at all. I LOVE IT. but ima do this in order

    1. praise

    2.sugesstions

    3.farewell

    1. F.UCK YEAH I LOVE THIS!!! the Frickin flow (as if you didnt already know) was kick ass yo!
    i cant believe i know this guy! where do you comeup with this stuff!!!! of course as you know I dont agree with the topic. but i LOVE LOVE LOVE this write. if only if only i could write like this. my entire life you be complete bliss!
    lol now

    2."injecting guilt {with} rusted needles"
    "arms wrap around one last embrace" (too long breaks flow)
    "caress her neck, gently handcuff her" ( too long breaks flow)

    3. lol yeah totally cool
    later
    kevin
    | Posted on 2006-09-27 00:00:00 | by Harmageddon | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you did a outstanding job with this poem. I don't see what you would need to change. I loved the wording and the imagery. I could feel the anger from being betrayed and the way you want her to hurt like you are hurting it seems. This was very good, wow, this is a fav of mine now.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn!!! I really like this it shows a lot of emotion and hatered.. but then again love.. You seem to love this person but this person doesn't care for others... If you love this person you seem to just come out and say it.. Who cares what other people think... Let your mind wonder and let your dreams show... I love your poetry though very nice
    ~*Becca*~
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by __B3cca__ | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is so awesome. I can't tell yopu how many times I've tried to make a break up poem but make it very dark at the same time but failed to do so. You didn't however. This was so perfectly awesome...I can't really find anything wrong with it to be bluntly honest. Great write.


    Peace....for now or never
    *Toxic*
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      DANG!! I loved this piece a lot! I could feel the energy, the hate, the thought of wanting revenge. Well, just look at it this way, she wasn't good enough for you. And things like that happen to the best of us! I caught my "best friend" making out with my boyfriend on my bed. That was sad.... I really loved the last two lines "Sweet dreams, my dead lover.
    I killed because you had another" I think that they portrayed a deeper though, and it inspired a thought for a poem! I really loved this one, and I am going to add it to my favorites!! Oh, and one more thing. It will get better, and sooner or later your cheater will come crawling back. Its pretty much enevitable! My best luck, and wishes.
    ~Alyssa~
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! THis write was awesome! I loved it and as a mateer of fact i will make it a fav! Although i kinda got lost, it seemed as though it went from torting pain to the Agony and and pain of love... oh well, that was a wonderfull write i hope to see more!



    Jessica
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by jslbabygirl101 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey faith, awesome to see another of your writes, I say this before even reading cuz i f.ucking love ur stuff. Wow, you are such an amazing writer, I love everything I've ever read of yours, this was so perfect and your wording was [censored] awesome, it was nearly perfect. this was such a powerful write and your ending was----it just followed up perfectly, emotional was in every single word of this and personally I wouldnt' change a thing, another faves add, keep em coming,
    ~peace,
    jess
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really powerful poem. You clearly had strong feelings for this girl, and she betrayed you. It seems that you just poured your soul into this poem, which takes a lot of courage. I commend you for it.
    I love this poem. It reminds me of a movie I once saw, "Love Object." It has the same morbid theme based in love, jealousy, and death. Really well written. Thanks.
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by Donne Rogue | [ Reply to This ]
      To me and many more to read, this is a rather powerful poem. There is so much emotion within it. A main one, that feeling deep down inside, that you just can't forget about. That growing anger, hatred, jealously, whatever if is that you wish to call it, for its different with every person. It continues to grow the more you see your love somewhere with another, sneaking off below your eyes, having it so that you can't see them. And yet, when you do, their either in anothers' arms, sharing what you thought both of your had. Its a hard delima (spelling?) to go through, and sometimes if you seem that you can't control those feelings inside they have to just burst out and you can't help but take them out on the one that caused you all of them.

    That's what I get when I read this poem. Its written greatly, nice flow to it, andjust all around powerful in a sense. Readers can see what it must have been like through the eyes of the writer. Well, sadly, I have to be going, just one of those things. These are my words, and I hope they matter to you. Farewell.

    ~Noreu
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by Noreu Hotishima | [ Reply to This ]
      Morbid. But had a good flow to it so I geuss I liked it. I dont know where you come up with this im jealous.
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by Harmageddon | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very powerful piece. I love your rhyming and flow a lot..Everything just fit perfectly! And I know how it feels for someone to 180 you, and just turn around and do something else, something deceiving, and it sucks believe me. The third stanza was kinda off flow, I liked the wording though, it was good, it just didn't seem to fit with the others so well, outcast,lol.

    "Bond shattered, blood spattered.
    Skin, once pure, now bruised and tattered."

    I liked those lines the best, I guess because I can relate..Friendships break, and so do lovers, then you either get over it or cut..this is certainly bleed. But yes, I can relate, and I hope everything gets better for you in the future! and Don't love just to be loved back return. Take Care!!

    Lucy
    | Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      oh. i get it now. nice poem though.
    | Posted on 2006-07-14 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]
      y r u licking and hancuffiing her?
    | Posted on 2006-07-05 00:00:00 | by His goth child | [ Reply to This ]


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