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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Illiteratidots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 966
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1339



    Description:
       Oddly enough, this was written concerning the constraints placed on new accounts on a site similar to this one (with such a multitude of requirements that inspiration was lost before the post was complete). Make of it what you will.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIlliteratidots
    -------------------------------------------


    Thank you for coming
    if you'd be so kind
    please, leap these ten, tall chairs
    perform a handstand for half an hour
    sign this contract in slivers of blood
    thick, rich hemoglobin, type AB;
    then you'll be worthy of perusal
    and critique by a fine
    commentarian.

    What's that?
    It appears ridiculously complex?
    No, no, no! This syllogistic whim
    was made for you.
    How could you strip off this uniform
    doubt the demagoguery of chance?
    Before the ink smeared vellum coagulates
    I smell a finished mystery, perhaps.

    Then can I grieve when
    grievances are done?
    Sorry, that thought was far
    different than any essayist intended
    grasping revelation after the fact;
    and if I weep of my own volition
    you may suspend the test
    allow it to pass to the girl
    who pursed her Hindu lips
    in a sweet, syllabic caress
    enunciating words as if
    she swallowed mouthfuls
    of an alphabet.

    There's doubtless never been
    a lover frightened less
    by a strychnine laced illusion
    on the spiked tips of her bed.
    I'm sorry, were you finished?
    Well, I forget the rest.






    Submitted on 2006-05-12 00:39:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The description was certainly helpful here as a starting point. I humbly admit that I had to look up a few of the words. lol

    I'm curious which website this was, considering your calibre of writing skill. The way you describe the requirements sounds rathar intimidating. Perhaps a site for professional, published writers with multiple degrees? lol

    Also sounds like their was way too much paperwork involved (online I mean) and that it wasn't really worth the bother in the end, having sucked out all the joy and excitement, instead being replaced by fear and overwhelment.

    The emotion expressed here reminds me of how I feel about my new job - SHEER FRUSTRATION...anything that could be simple becomes complex for the most ridiculous reasons resulting in way too much confusion. Hmm...why am I working there again?

    | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]
      The idea of how one complains came up today with a co-worker and it seems any of us who think in creative ways have lots of options for turning lemons into lemonade.

    And this one does the trick, without bemoaning it makes me laugh- and your wit is unmatched because you generate so many ideas. And the audacity to place them together in a write, with a sly sarcasm that you fold into wit.

    Where is this place anyway? And not everyone is going to understand you Bill, be careful out there in the real world!

    Take care,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      You asked for thoughts, so I am going to tell you exactly what this piece made me think..

    This rocked.

    No if's, and's, or butthead's about it.

    I love the sentiment. It echoes my own frustrations of sites that overly restrict new users.

    The only piece that hung me up a bit was here:

    "you may suspend the test
    allow it to pass to the girl"

    Should there be a period or at least a comma after test? That seems to be the way my mind wants to break that part, but I have to admit part of that could be sleep deprivation. lol

    I enjoyed this immensely!

    Chell
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      I actually like doing hand-stands... because I can.

    For some reason, this reminds me getting into college. The lines, the countless back-and-forth's to the register who could never seem to remember your name, or your face, and the [censored]-load of things that you have to accomplish before getting a date for entrance exam.

    It also reminds me of writing a poem. You know... when you write it out of instinct and you feel good about it... then all of a sudden you'd remember the people who criticized the works of other people and then you consider their philosophies... put a little science in poetry. Then all of a sudden, the piece doesn't seem so good anymore... like it was ruined by something. But you can't blame the critics because you forget about them the minute you start criticizing yourself. In the end, you wouldn't be able to present your work to the public.

    Sad how that happens.

    Anyway... the best thing about this piece is that it appears controlled in some way but you could feel the words raging from every syllable. Like talking to a soft-spoken old lady who gets reminded of the time when wet-willied by a couple of 9yr.olds and then she starts going Hyde on you.

    I liked the way you accomplished that.

    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha! Making fun of critiques now, are we? I suppose I could leap ten chairs if they were placed like hurdles-- not if they were stacked on top of each other though. And a hand-stand for half an hour? Maybe if I was against a wall. Lol.

    This is a playoff to Alia's 'Literati' piece. And I state that as fact. You even weave her as a character here... in the last half of your third strophe. Although I didn't know she was Hindi.

    Well, I make this out to be biting sarcasm with lashings of wit on top. I also detect a feeling that some of your poems were indecipherable to a few commenters. But the human mind is a complicated thing. Sometimes we just need a cattle-prod, sometimes an invisible feather. But as to what works, that's an individual thing with individual responses given accordingly.

    If you read the tone of any poem, that usually comes across a lot louder than the words itself.

    To deconstruct emotion and place them into compartmentalized boxes-- how often does the other person's key fit exactly? I feel there'll always be rough edges... sort of like jamming a screwdriver into a car's ignition barrel (not that I'd know-- lol, seriously).

    But this is just what I think... right now.
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      It sounds as though you start out with a clear idea and theme in mind, but you get lost along the way - lost in your own words. No, I don't like the final stanza at all. The first is witty and catchy, but also not brilliant. You need to revise punctuation.

    Shana.
    | Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by shana | [ Reply to This ]


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