As trumpets blared a fanfare to the smug and smiling King,
He waved a royal kerchief to the crowd around the ring;
"I shall release this favor, and the tournament begins:
The brave Sir Graeme up against the Seven Deadly Sins!"
The people cheered, I checked my iron breastplate and my shield,
I swung my sword, and poor Sir Envy fell on knees to yield;
And then there came Sir Anger, man to man and pike to pike,
But thirty seconds later he was up and on his bike.
Sir Greed then tried to cheat, and teamed with Gluttony, the fools,
As two on one in chivalry is so against the rules;
But I was into falconry, my bird was standing by,
And pecked the laggards' eyes out with a loud heraldic cry.
A huge Sir Lust stepped up to fight, a mace was in each hand,
And swinging them with all his might he tried a blow to land;
I feinted left and parried right, he soon ran out of puff,
The feudal field erupted as he squealed the word: "enough!"
A slow Sir Sloth was tricky, he was cunning like a crow,
We jousted on our thoroughbreds, then slingshot, sword and bow;
Then shunning all my weapons I stood steadfast in my place,
I waited till he neared me then I punched him in the face.
And then, the greatest sin of all, as tall as he was wide,
As big as half a castle, everybody's foe: Sir Pride;
I lay down in the dust, and as he twirled a victory dance,
My hand wrapped round my weapon and I got him with my lance.
"Hurrah!" the peasants cheered, as I received my royal prize,
'Twas seven lots of fertile land, (and leave to womanize;)
"Well done, Sir Graeme" cried the King, applauding from his throne,
"You are the second ever, go ahead and cast your stone!"