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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sir Graeme & the Seven deadly Sinsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wewak11
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 3436/3630/329
    Words: 326
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 1243
    Average Vote:    0.0000
    Bytes: 1963



    Description:
       just havin' fun...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSir Graeme & the Seven deadly Sinsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As trumpets blared a fanfare to the smug and smiling King,
    He waved a royal kerchief to the crowd around the ring;
    "I shall release this favor, and the tournament begins:
    The brave Sir Graeme up against the Seven Deadly Sins!"

    The people cheered, I checked my iron breastplate and my shield,
    I swung my sword, and poor Sir Envy fell on knees to yield;
    And then there came Sir Anger, man to man and pike to pike,
    But thirty seconds later he was up and on his bike.

    Sir Greed then tried to cheat, and teamed with Gluttony, the fools,
    As two on one in chivalry is so against the rules;
    But I was into falconry, my bird was standing by,
    And pecked the laggards' eyes out with a loud heraldic cry.

    A huge Sir Lust stepped up to fight, a mace was in each hand,
    And swinging them with all his might he tried a blow to land;
    I feinted left and parried right, he soon ran out of puff,
    The feudal field erupted as he squealed the word: "enough!"

    A slow Sir Sloth was tricky, he was cunning like a crow,
    We jousted on our thoroughbreds, then slingshot, sword and bow;
    Then shunning all my weapons I stood steadfast in my place,
    I waited till he neared me then I punched him in the face.

    And then, the greatest sin of all, as tall as he was wide,
    As big as half a castle, everybody's foe: Sir Pride;
    I lay down in the dust, and as he twirled a victory dance,
    My hand wrapped round my weapon and I got him with my lance.

    "Hurrah!" the peasants cheered, as I received my royal prize,
    'Twas seven lots of fertile land, (and leave to womanize;)
    "Well done, Sir Graeme" cried the King, applauding from his throne,
    "You are the second ever, go ahead and cast your stone!"




    Submitted on 2006-05-12 18:25:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Graeme,

    I haven't seen this one before, which of course I wouldn't as it was written in 2006.

    Nice conundrum! Very Bunyan-like.
    Pride wins the day after all once the stone is cast,
    and if not Pride then when you stiffen your pine with a little womanizing. The question is, if we rid ourselves of all our sins, is there anything left?

    I think the bike reference is a bit anachronistic and throws the reader out of the poem a bit.

    Although technically correct, "laggards'" is a bit awkward, and slows the poem down some as the reader tries to determine if this means one or both. Possibly the plural, "those laggards'" instead of the singular "the laggards'".

    Always nice to be on friendly terms with a Christlike figure!

    Dale

    | Posted on 2009-03-14 00:00:00 | by erthona | [ Reply to This ]
      Horray for Sir Greame!

    See, this is why i missed your work so much dear, your comedies always make me smile, even after a hot, muggy, sticky, boring, distgusting day in hell (aka my school ).

    Your flippin' awesome.

    as i told you previously, i'm off to read about your seven deadlies, and to bask in the gloriosness that is wewak's comedy.

    toot-a-loo,
    -Kate
    | Posted on 2006-06-02 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this was hilarious!! You are amazing, you know that?

    For a minute you caught me off guard when you said "Sir Covet", because I've always known it as Greed and Gluttony that were the two twins. I agree with Chell on the whole "he without sin" reference, that was pretty clever. I think it's funny though that you say you had "leave to womanize" when you just battled Lust and Covet. So yeah... But that's just me. Anyway, great job as usual, keep it up. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      Chalk another one up for the brave Sir Graeme! I don't have much for a comment on this one. All I can say is this is the stuff that keeps me coming back for more.

    Now cast that stone before you start womanizing. Maybe someplace on all that land you now have is a barn with a nice big hayloft. Take you woman and give her a roll.

    I bow to you good Sir!

    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      Hysterical! I adore the personification of the seven deadly sins. This was such a comical piece, I could picture you, brave Sir Graeme battling this comical sins. I particularly like the last two stanzas. This was a great piece and a good laugh. Excellent job, keep writing

    Ciao
    Brandy
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]
      "You are the second ever, go ahead and cast your stone!" is my favorite line. The whole 'he without sin' reference is an important one in today's societies. (And it's a great punch line if I do say so myself!)

    You have been Sir Graeme for a long time on this little poetry site and I knew one day you'd take the name and put it good use.

    Good luck with the womanizing. With all that land you should have no problem with the ladies!

    Thanks for the giggles,

    Chell
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      this is great, Graeme! i love the irreverence. the seven deadlies, yeah! i was trying to remember what they were awhile ago and asked everyone at my church i could find, and no one could list them!! lol!
    i could see you on your stead, weilding your sword! go on with your bad self!

    love,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      You are so crazy! This was funny. Only you could take something biblical and make a mockery out it. My favorite was the fight with Sir Sloth. You really did do a good job with this one. I'm glad to see you returning back to your silly antics. You were starting to scare me with all those love poems you had written.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this poem. The last line was my favorite. This had me cracking up. I am, however, completely stoned, but it was very good. The rhyming was terrific and it had amazing flow. I was all up into this poem.
    | Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by dude90998 | [ Reply to This ]


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