That Night
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Description:
OK its not about me or anyone I know i was just sitting in class and it kinda came to me.... i had to write it down and ended up missing the notes so whats it mean to you and what you think of it leave me opinions
That Night
Dazed... The room is spinning I try to move, but I am too dizzy I fall off the ded and onto the floor I look around and realize this isnt my room Suddenly I notice my shirt and bra across the room How did those get there? I stand up and walk over to them I begin to see flashes, images of the night before Pulling at me, pushing me down Then nothing I look for my underwear and pants What the hell happened to me? I can recall the party I can still taste the beer but it was wrong somehow something tasted different... It hits me I know what happened now I look at the bed, but no one is there Not anymore feeling sick I find a bathroom and vomit More images, the pressing of a body against mine, kissing me, pulling off clothes, then the soft cascading blanket then numbness I look at myself and am surprised to see bruises all over my arms and legs I find a mirror and look at myself Makeup smeared across my face a fat lip and a black eye Damn...... I never should have gone Home is where I should have been Its all my fault this happened A victim of date rape I've become |
Submitted on 2006-05-13 02:04:24 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| I think the wording was too simplistic, the meaning too obvious, and lacked much realism and emotion for such a disturbing topic. the last line I found extremely disturbing the way it was written so "matter of factly" not too sure about the flow for myself either, it could just be my opinion though as everybody else seems to like it.., (I am extremely picky) the idea was there I can't argue with that but I think it needs a rewrite and a lot more feeling put into it. | Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ] | mi likes hun that just cam eto you? tats crazy but thats the way i write too. but ususly i have sum kinda realation to my life with my poems... | | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by Star | [ Reply to This ] | Make sure to watch your spelling near the top ("ded?"). The vibe of this poem is good but could certainly be developed further - I wish it had a more chaotic, disturbed feel to it. I love the word choice here - simple, which works. I hope this didn't really occur to you, and if it did.. *hug*. | A good peice, love. | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by Velvet_Inker | [ Reply to This ] | Very descriptive. The girl in the story was confused and thats how it plays onto the person reading. The details give you an idea of her vision and surrounding. I like pieces like this one. keep writing! | *~Courtney~* | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by mcknight92 | [ Reply to This ] | Wow. Very wonderful write you have here. It really goes into how much confusion is involved in 'the day after' when your to hung-over and confused to remember anything that happened. And then when you do, it's no better. That feeling is so helpless. Abandonment, self-loathing is also a very big part of it as well. No matter how many times you hear 'it’s not your fault' you still blame yourself. | | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by tokillthedead | [ Reply to This ] | |
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