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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: That Nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Star
    ASL Info:    15 F WI
    Elite Ratio:    2.69 - 125/127/42
    Words: 222
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1355
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1373



    Description:
       OK its not about me or anyone I know i was just sitting in class and it kinda came to me.... i had to write it down and ended up missing the notes so whats it mean to you and what you think of it leave me opinions


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThat Nightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dazed...
    The room is spinning
    I try to move, but I am too dizzy
    I fall off the ded and onto the floor
    I look around and realize
    this isnt my room
    Suddenly I notice my shirt and bra
    across the room
    How did those get there?
    I stand up and walk over to them
    I begin to see flashes, images
    of the night before
    Pulling at me, pushing me down
    Then nothing
    I look for my underwear and pants
    What the hell happened to me?
    I can recall the party
    I can still taste the beer
    but it was wrong somehow
    something tasted different...
    It hits me I know what
    happened now
    I look at the bed, but
    no one is there
    Not anymore
    feeling sick I find a bathroom
    and vomit
    More images, the pressing of a body
    against mine, kissing me, pulling off clothes,
    then the soft cascading blanket
    then numbness
    I look at myself and am surprised
    to see bruises all over my arms and legs
    I find a mirror and look at myself
    Makeup smeared across my face
    a fat lip and a black eye
    Damn......
    I never should have gone
    Home is where I should have been
    Its all my fault this happened
    A victim of date rape I've become




    Submitted on 2006-05-13 02:04:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think the wording was too simplistic, the meaning too obvious, and lacked much realism and emotion for such a disturbing topic.

    the last line I found extremely disturbing the way it was written so "matter of factly"

    not too sure about the flow for myself either, it could just be my opinion though as everybody else seems to like it.., (I am extremely picky)

    the idea was there I can't argue with that but I think it needs a rewrite and a lot more feeling put into it.
    | Posted on 2006-06-03 00:00:00 | by Localfreak | [ Reply to This ]
      mi likes hun that just cam eto you? tats crazy but thats the way i write too. but ususly i have sum kinda realation to my life with my poems...
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by Star | [ Reply to This ]
      Make sure to watch your spelling near the top ("ded?"). The vibe of this poem is good but could certainly be developed further - I wish it had a more chaotic, disturbed feel to it. I love the word choice here - simple, which works. I hope this didn't really occur to you, and if it did.. *hug*.
    A good peice, love.
    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by Velvet_Inker | [ Reply to This ]
      Very descriptive. The girl in the story was confused and thats how it plays onto the person reading. The details give you an idea of her vision and surrounding. I like pieces like this one. keep writing!
    *~Courtney~*
    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by mcknight92 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Very wonderful write you have here. It really goes into how much confusion is involved in 'the day after' when your to hung-over and confused to remember anything that happened. And then when you do, it's no better. That feeling is so helpless. Abandonment, self-loathing is also a very big part of it as well. No matter how many times you hear 'itís not your fault' you still blame yourself.
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by tokillthedead | [ Reply to This ]


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