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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: <b>Memories Without You</b>dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 690/442/104
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Prose/Longing
    Total Views: 982
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 574



    Description:
       well i got with this write today, well dunno wut to say ...
    bye


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots<b>Memories Without You</b>dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Laying on my pillow, without your arms,
    i think about you.
    Believing you walking though my window,
    Between heaven and clouds,
    I want to stop dreaming so that you will be my reality!

    My wrinkles moves you further away from me,
    You do not want my lust anymore
    I am eaten up with my sores,
    which do not let me see the beauty of your youth
    Wishing the freedom that i once had
    and wasted without you
    Enjoy what is ephemeral because
    I am the only one who can give you what is eternal




    Submitted on 2006-05-13 16:12:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really loved this! Its so pretty and just reminds me of how ive been feeling recently just like wanting something that you cant really get at the moment! Really Good Job!
    | Posted on 2006-11-26 00:00:00 | by Chelsea_Is_Neat | [ Reply to This ]
      Very poetically written. I think you did good with this poem. I spotted a few typos, but that can be fixed. I think a different format would work on this much better. Also I think you were a little vague as to what you meant by this poem. The last two lines were my favorite. Overall, nice work.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I did read this one already, but in spanish,lol. I thinks its great. But you spelled "Moves" wrong, grr, lol. The description is just wow..

    "Laying on my pillow, without your arms, i think about you.
    Believing you walking though my window,
    Between heaven and clouds"

    Those lines just steal me..I've been there..alone..just wanting someone so badly in every way..But in the second stanza, in the first line, were you saying that age makes her not want you?..I didn't get that..I don't believe it true, in my case. Anywho lovely piece, I always love your work!!! Keep up the great work!!

    Lucy
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it it reminds me of something I' ve gone through recently. The way you have expressed your pain and longing makes the reader relate almost instantly. Great wording!
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by Ishtar | [ Reply to This ]


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