[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: <b>Memories Without You</b>dots

    Author: vitoko
    ASL Info:    24/M
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 690/442/104
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Prose/Longing
    Total Views: 914
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 574

       well i got with this write today, well dunno wut to say ...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots<b>Memories Without You</b>dots

    Laying on my pillow, without your arms,
    i think about you.
    Believing you walking though my window,
    Between heaven and clouds,
    I want to stop dreaming so that you will be my reality!

    My wrinkles moves you further away from me,
    You do not want my lust anymore
    I am eaten up with my sores,
    which do not let me see the beauty of your youth
    Wishing the freedom that i once had
    and wasted without you
    Enjoy what is ephemeral because
    I am the only one who can give you what is eternal

    Submitted on 2006-05-13 16:12:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really loved this! Its so pretty and just reminds me of how ive been feeling recently just like wanting something that you cant really get at the moment! Really Good Job!
    | Posted on 2006-11-26 00:00:00 | by Chelsea_Is_Neat | [ Reply to This ]
      Very poetically written. I think you did good with this poem. I spotted a few typos, but that can be fixed. I think a different format would work on this much better. Also I think you were a little vague as to what you meant by this poem. The last two lines were my favorite. Overall, nice work.

    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I did read this one already, but in spanish,lol. I thinks its great. But you spelled "Moves" wrong, grr, lol. The description is just wow..

    "Laying on my pillow, without your arms, i think about you.
    Believing you walking though my window,
    Between heaven and clouds"

    Those lines just steal me..I've been there..alone..just wanting someone so badly in every way..But in the second stanza, in the first line, were you saying that age makes her not want you?..I didn't get that..I don't believe it true, in my case. Anywho lovely piece, I always love your work!!! Keep up the great work!!

    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it it reminds me of something I' ve gone through recently. The way you have expressed your pain and longing makes the reader relate almost instantly. Great wording!
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by Ishtar | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cover written by saartha
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Love written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]