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    dots Submission Name: thinking of you, love Pauliedots

    Author: brokenmuse
    ASL Info:    26/F/AL
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 756/734/161
    Words: 416
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1033
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2647

       I don't know how many of you reading this have ever seen the movie Lost and Delirious, but this was inspired by Paulie from the movie.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthinking of you, love Pauliedots

    you didn't believe me
    when I held you and said
    "I would die for you, Tori"
    your lassoed ringlets tumbling
    about the curves of ivory shoulders
    you didn't, not even when I told you
    that you were the only person
    to ever love me, that I gave
    you the entirety of my heart.
    you walked about flitting so seamlessly
    in the mass of teenaged flesh
    everything coming so easy
    that despite my love, I almost
    ALMOST resented you for it
    smiling your Venus smile
    lighting up the vastness of any room
    then she saw what you said
    what you claimed was your heart

    how easy it comes to cry
    now that I know, can feel
    the emptiness of your shallow emotion
    you "infatuated" love for me
    that you couldn't stand up
    to your sister and declare
    the love for me that spilt
    like ripe honey the night before
    from the lush pillows of your lips
    when you said "Paulie, I love you,
    you know that, right P?"
    and with such blissful naivete
    I didn't answer, but simply
    embraced your lies with
    chapped lips and a starving heart
    a young girls smile, innocence
    as I looked into the empty bright
    of luscious emerald eyes

    how easy is it now
    to look me in the eye
    and feed me your brand
    of callous, disheartening lies
    lie to me some more,
    wrap me with your painted lips
    as you wrapped his manhood last night
    just friends you said as I watched
    your calculated aloofness
    the steady movement of
    the hairbrush through your locks
    lie to him like you lied to me
    wrap your deception around him
    like the berry lips you used to kiss
    my urgent womanly hips with
    let him become enmeshed
    in your poisonous lovely web

    I fought for you, I fight
    I killed him for your lies,
    please, decieve me again
    let me think of what I do
    as something that you
    in your fickle guiltless mind
    will remember all your life
    as I scale the roof I sing
    odes to your beauty and grace
    though my heart is carve much like
    the body that I left lying in the woods
    look up at me with your gemstone eyes
    as I sing sonnets of my devotion
    and my neverending love for you
    watch just a bit longer to see
    the smile on my face as I
    plunge from the roof, thinking of you

    Submitted on 2006-05-13 19:11:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    This had a great rythmic surge to it...liked the repetitions
    : wrap me as you wrapt" sections ..lent it a kind of energy that kept pace and dizzily walted to its gothic crescendo of horror...the murder revealed and mad plunge before those ever open sparkling eyes...now kissed forever with "that awful vision..that sure knowledge etc"

    to tighten up the ending and increase the pitch of the roof , so to speak, perhaps...delete "I fight" in the last stanza "Please decieve me again" (since there is not alot of time left, surely?) mega perhaps: some reference to her eyes in the last line.

    you can ignore the preceding paragraph as it works quite well...just that such a terrible gift. dead boy-toy and grisly suicide splatting should come swinging in as remorselessly as a sword blow...and it does.

    Well done, koster
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
      you walked about flitting so seamlessly
    in the mass of teenaged flesh
    loved this line.. very nice. also adored
    then she saw what you said
    what you claimed was your heart

    i liked it.. it made me sad but it gave a lot of good visuals of beauty..or implied beauty covering up dirtiness. anyways it was good.
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]

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