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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It's Okay To Be Lonelydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic Rose
    Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 159/220/97
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1321
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 530



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt's Okay To Be Lonelydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Standing alone on a rooftop thatched
    Whispering, "If only, if only-"
    The thought clinging, to my mind latched:
    I'm all by myself- so lonely.

    Watching the sun bowing to the sky
    Feeling the wind blow coldly-
    The fear too great to ask myself why
    I'm all by myself- so lonely.

    Gazing out at the ocean dark
    Walking to the water, boldly
    Let out a cry as clear as a lark's
    And I know then- it's okay to be lonely.




    Submitted on 2006-05-13 19:44:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Personally, I thought that the ending made it a keeper.

    Once you cry out your endevours, you allow its weight to spill from your mouth... and the sense of relief would be enough comfort to make you accept what is.

    The thought itself was a rich compliment to the piece as a whole.

    I think you should work on this style more and improve on your word play. I'm sure you'll kick ass. You've got time on your side.

    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      "Standing alone on a rooftop thatched
    Whispering, "If only, if only-"
    The thought clinging, to my mind latched:
    I'm all by myself- so lonely.

    Watching the sun bowing to the sky
    Feeling the wind blow coldly-
    The fear too great to ask myself why
    I'm all by myself- so (lonely).

    Gazing out at the ocean dark
    Walking to the water, boldly
    Let out a cry as clear as a lark's
    And I know then- it's okay to be lonely."


    At the risk of sounding like a total fan whose never read another poem before, this was lovely. I have to ask, though, did you mean to put a comma after 'rooftop' in S1, L1 (or after 'latched' in S1,L3)? If that is the case, then the comma after 'clinging' would seem unecessary (because 'latched' and thatched' are the words out of sequence). My only other nitpick would be S2, L4, the space between the 'l' and the 'o' in 'lonely.'

    You did a fine job with this, you should be proud.

    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Good stuff man good stuff... It is ok to be lonely... just makes me feel sad... but then again when are we ever trully lonely... is there not someone always that we can talk to and they always listen no matter what?... Or is that just me and my luck?... You are very talented... I dig the three stanzas and the repetition of the last line and the variation which to me was great... Just wondering if this is loneliness introduced by heart brokenness (made up a word) or just lonely because you are in a new place... either way being lonely is ok... as long as you don't go psycho... keep writing.

    Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      Standing alone on a rooftop thatched
    Whispering, "If only, if only-"
    The thought clinging, to my mind latched:
    I'm all by myself- so lonely.

    This has a wonderful flowing quality throughout. If I had a quibble it would be the thatched latched rhyme. It seems unlikely. I can't actually picture anyone standing on a thatched roof contemplating loneliness, it just does not work for me. Unless of course you were up there repairing it.
    And then you would be so busy you wouldn't have time to be lonely lol.
    This is indeed a piece of poetry that all can relate to. I like the way you bring nature into it...it seems to me I am least lonely, and too feel it ok to be alone when I am watching a sunset, feeling the wind, the waves...
    So all in all quite a beautiful write that I really enjoyed.
    thanks
    ~chris
    | Posted on 2006-06-18 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww.... I really, really like this poem... Maybe because it sums up a feeling I've had so many times before. I've probably said this already, but that's when Poetry is the best, you know? When people can relate to it because then it tends to matter more, you know... Reminds me of Learn to be Lonely, a song I'm sure you're more than familliar with. :-) This poem is almost like a response like...okay, I learned to be lonely, sad, lonely, it's okay to be lonely....

    Nice, really nice.
    Peace, Lucy
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]


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