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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Don't Knowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    18/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.66 - 314/347/92
    Words: 297
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 139
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1831



    Description:
       Eh passion... puppy love... things like that are so adorable... makes me still believe that love is real...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDon't Knowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to make you mine,
    and to take you with me girl,
    decide once and for all,
    to quench the fire in your eyes.
    and I grow desperate,
    I just can't hold myself,
    Maybe there is something more,
    Might be or might not be,
    The thing is I don't know.

    I don't,
    Maybe it is the way you conduct yourself,
    Might be,
    When I see you I can't control myself and I just want you,
    Maybe it is the way you conduct yourself,
    Might be,
    When I see you I can't control myself and I just want you.

    Now girl,
    For me this ain't a game,
    Melting you with my gaze,
    Guide me out of this maze,
    Broke my heart out the case,
    Spending all these days,
    Feeling in me this blaze,
    Just seeing you walking leaves me amazed.

    I don't,
    Maybe it is the way you conduct yourself,
    Might be,
    When I see you I can't control myself and I just want you,
    Maybe it is the way you conduct yourself,
    Might be,
    When I see you I can't control myself and I just want you.

    You are the conqueror of my heart,
    The one that makes my blood race,
    I am for you, please be for me,
    Just please, listen to my plead,
    You are the conqueror of my heart,
    The one that makes my blood race,
    I am for you, please be for me,
    Just please, listen to my plead.

    I don't,
    Maybe it is the way you conduct yourself,
    Might be,
    When I see you I can't control myself and I just want you,
    Maybe it is the way you conduct yourself,
    Might be,
    When I see you I can't control myself and I just want you.




    Submitted on 2006-05-13 19:46:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I wonder what Angelo was getting at before he said "screw it"???

    Alright, so I found myself kinda trying to sing/rap this in my head, I guess cuz of the repitition I figured it was more of a song than a poem but I could be wrong. And I know I told you before that it's refreshing to see a man show his real feelings, so I gotta give you an A+ for that.

    Only one suggestion hun and that would be change "plead" to "plea" cuz to plead is a verb and a plea is a noun.

    Other than that, this was nice. I like the way you're questioning what it is but at the same time you're kind of saying it (if that made sense at all). Good job. ...bb...

    XoXo
    ~Tayla~
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      "I don't,
    Maybe it is the way you conduct yourself,
    Might be,
    When I see you I can't control myself and I just want you,
    Maybe it is the way you conduct yourself,
    Might be,
    When I see you I can't control myself and I just want you."

    I think you should italicize these lines. That could give them a second dimension feel. I think that could work with this piece because it is familiar to almost everyone... the feeling... the questions... the hopelessness. Using italics would capitalize on that factor and give the illusion that your not the only one saying these words.

    But that's just a suggestion. Feel free to do whatever you want.

    Love is...

    nah screw it.
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]



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