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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bleed Whitedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: angelfyre
    ASL Info:    17/yes please/here
    Elite Ratio:    4.07 - 254/238/76
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Prose/Depressed
    Total Views: 1219
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1523



    Description:
       ......


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBleed Whitedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Candles with constant flames
    outline the counter in the warm room.
    Strawberry, chocolate,
    Strawberry, chocolate,
    Strawberry, chocolate,
    on one rim of the tub.
    A wet foot and a thick calf rest on the other.
    Her voice cracks
    as she tries to relay the lyrics she's listening to.
    "I won't let this build up inside of me"
    Broken sounds bounce off the ceramic
    and fill her aching ears.
    She overflows the tub with self doubt.
    The elastic lies loose in her hair,
    holding back her beastly mane.
    The tainted eyes of a polluted woman
    follow the curves of her physique.
    Callused fingers with blurred prints
    pick up a heart shaped strawberry.
    She places it softly where she broke away from her mother,
    and cursed her source.
    On top of the fruit she pours a translucent wax,
    and her face surrenders colour.
    The more she cries, the angier she gets,
    the more she feels the need to escape her form.
    With her second foot on the drain she lies down.
    Her bleeding back flat on the bottom of the tub.
    Pink water covers the body she tries so hard to deny.
    Born from a womb.
    Drowning in a womb.
    Slower...
    Stiller...
    Until the cursed womans hands bring back the haulted life.
    Knocking, knocking.
    "what...."
    "YOU OK IN THERE?"
    "yes....." No




    Submitted on 2006-05-13 21:23:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      you should of been enjoying the strawberrys and the chocolate more, keeping your sensibilities intact, but relishing on the comfort that the tub can give you in that time, solace
    candles do have constant flames, yes, eternity is not long enough.
    That self doubt, those precious lines repeated out of your mouth, you just have no idea, not when the mind is still trying to escape from the prison poisonous thought that your mother may have corrupted you with, keeing you second guessing on your apppearances when you really have not right, to push all those nessesary vessels out of mirror image in front of you, no way help what has already begun, especially without some kind of real words of approval...ughers
    | Posted on 2006-05-20 00:00:00 | by Reckoner | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, That was really different. I felt like I was there you used such good imagery. The smell the touch the color of your poem was vivid im my mind. I really like this because It depicted a real person. It screamed I hate everything about myself so I will distroy myself, but I have to consel it. I can relate. This Is a definate favorates addition. I really hope you keep it up. - DiamondTears
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by DiamondTears | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this was such a different look at self-injury/suicide. It wasn't the typical "i'm pissed off so i want to die" poem... you almost beautified it. I really like this!! I'm adding it to my favorites.
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      This was great. The imagery was wonderful. Although I must admit that the only reason I went on reading is because you repeated strawberry, chocolate. Could not stop after that point. I like the way you described everything and how it came real. It seems as if you know what you're talking about and there is not pretences here. Which was great. And the way there is no melodrama in it. I loved the last line, I guess it speaks of us all at some point or the other. great work. take care.
    | Posted on 2006-05-26 00:00:00 | by fiery whisper | [ Reply to This ]


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