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Just One More Ode to Mom...


Author: Emerging Soul
ASL Info:    48/VERY female/Wisconsin
Elite Ratio:    4.36 - 1240 /1114 /244
Words: 332
Class/Type: Poetry /Death
Total Views: 1242
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 2074



Description:


Sometimes relationships with family members are not ideal...but it does not make them any less real, nor does it exempt one from grief.


Just One More Ode to Mom...



You died as you lived
Not wanting to complain
Not speaking out or standing up for yourself
You endured the pain
Thinking it was normal
Thinking it was something you did
Food poisoning from dinner, perhaps, nothing more
Not knowing it was a heart-attack
Not knowing it was the end
The phone call was a shock to me
In the middle of a busy day
That I can't remember much of
Somehow I did what needed to be done
And carried on as usual
My only concession to grief
Being that I could not seem to tell my cousin's answering machine
Those 5 little words without crying...
"My mom died last night..."
It took me 5 tries to get it all out before the beep
Years of guilt consumed me
I should have been a better daughter
I should have visited you more
Called you more
Been there more for you
I should have never resented
That I was always the one that had to initiate contact
I should have known you were so under his thumb
That you were trapped by his ways
I should have helped you
I should have loved you enough
That you would have loved yourself
And cared enough to care for your health
I should have seen it coming
And done something different
For a long time I was angry and resentful
And then I was just sad
The part of me that missed you the most
The part of me that needed a mother
During some of the hardest years of my life
Somehow painted a better picture of you than you were
Suddenly things would have been different
If only you were alive
I would be able to talk to you
Confide in you
Find strength in you
And feel loved
Eventually I began to remember you
As you really were
And still love you anyway...

14 years later...I still miss you, Mom

I hope that you have found peace.




Submitted on 2006-05-13 22:37:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This very well written. These were some very basic everyday words yet they just seem to hit a nerve somewhere. I was really touched by this maybe because it sounded so real, so genuine no doubt that it is though. I am real sorry for your lost but I feel you really did some justice here. I am adding this to my fav's list

Keep up the great work
Take care
Later

Jason
| Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
  You have such a way with words... this one too brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry you had to lose these two most important people in your life
| Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
  These thoughts that you have expressed are never far from my mind.

It's a constant ache, isn't it?

Heartbreakingly rendered piece of the love lost from one who you needed it the most.
| Posted on 2006-07-18 00:00:00 | by junemarie | [ Reply to This ]


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